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Horsecook

  1. I have zero patience for half-cooked Christ metaphors. Also, Cormac McCarthy: you're fucking boring. about 12 hours ago from web
  2. Sam's Club doesn't sell a family size pump dispenser of hemorrhoid cream. You'd have thought I'd asked for baby tongues, geeez. about 16 hours ago from Echofon
  3. Look, I'm just a simple caveman, but is it really so hard to design a web app with stars that stick? about 17 hours ago from Echofon
  4. This pus is disgusting. The crackers are a little stale, too. about 18 hours ago from Echofon
  5. I fart to make you smell better. about 18 hours ago from Echofon
  6. I'm getting up LATE tomorrow. Which explains why I just hid the last two waffles in a bag of frozen broccoli. 9:55 PM Dec 1st from Echofon
  7. My mother rubbed her nipples in lime juice before breast-feeding me. Yesterday, it was maple syrup, which is my preference. 9:21 PM Dec 1st from Echofon
  8. @iheartthedj LOL I found it on Yahoo Answers. It was so retarded I *had* to tweet it. :P 9:07 PM Dec 1st from Echofon in reply to iheartthedj
  9. FACT: only pure-bred dogs have belly buttons. 8:24 PM Dec 1st from Echofon
  10. @bonisteel Heehee. One of many, I assume.... 7:45 PM Dec 1st from HootSuite in reply to bonisteel
  11. @bonisteel Imma star the shit outta those @grumpassgrumpaw happy-tweets. Haha! 6:40 PM Dec 1st from HootSuite in reply to bonisteel
  12. And btw, the most likely place for a fender-bender to happen? The Walgreen's parking lot. 11:54 AM Dec 1st from HootSuite
  13. If you fill a shopping cart at Walgreen's, I'd sooner punch you in your dried up old cunt than smile pleasantly at you in the checkout line. 11:54 AM Dec 1st from HootSuite
  14. @sucittaM It's good to know such resources are at our fingertips. So to speak. 10:32 AM Dec 1st from HootSuite in reply to sucittaM
  15. http://twitpic.com/rq9yx - Gotta love FF search term suggestions... 10:24 AM Dec 1st from TwitPic
  16. I take a strange pride in making sure the address shows through the envelope's window on my bills. Why does *that* make me feel so smart?? 9:21 AM Dec 1st from HootSuite
  17. Also, I can understand being overweight, but if you're 400-lbs and have Twinkies in your Rascal's tote-basket, consider assisted suicide. 7:45 AM Dec 1st from Birdhouse
  18. FYI, the aisles at Target are not wide enough to pass a 400-lb. woman on a Rascal without acquiring the faint stench of urine. 7:43 AM Dec 1st from Birdhouse
  19. Before 11 convinces 9 to do something really stupid, he drafts a "Waiver of Responsibility" and makes him sign it. Parental win/lose? 5:16 AM Dec 1st from Birdhouse
  20. Valerie Bertinelli is soo cute. I just want to hug her face with a rake! 8:49 PM Nov 30th from Echofon