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HomerJSimpson

  1. I love #Thanksgiving. It’s like the calendar is giving me one month to convince that sucker Santa that I’ve been a good boy. about 5 hours ago from HootSuite
  2. Woo Hoo! #Thanksgiving. One of the two holidays the government says Mr. Burns has to give us off. about 10 hours ago from HootSuite
  3. The only bad part of Thanksgiving is that a lot of turkeys and the Detroit Lions get killed. That’s a joke you can tell people. I did! 4:15 PM Nov 25th from HootSuite
  4. I wanted to enjoy Thanksgiving but the Canadians have their Thanksgiving in October and they took all the thanks. Stupid frozen jerks. 7:01 PM Nov 24th from HootSuite
  5. We celebrate Thanksgiving in November but forget it’s also Aviation History Month. Think how you'd feel if you were that. Bad, I bet. 12:10 PM Nov 20th from HootSuite
  6. If prisoners use cigarettes as money to buy things in jail, what do they use to buy cigarettes? Think about it. I know I won't. 6:58 PM Nov 19th from HootSuite
  7. Had a great idea for a movie. A comedy with some romantic stuff also. 8:58 PM Nov 18th from HootSuite
  8. I made one of those trace-your-hand turkeys. It tasted horrible. 4:40 PM Nov 15th from HootSuite
  9. I’m bowling. Unless you’re Mr. Burns, in which case I am at work. 11:35 AM Nov 13th from HootSuite
  10. I want to thank our veterans for being brave. Also, since we’re talking, can I have some of your medals? You have lots and I have none. 8:40 PM Nov 12th from HootSuite
  11. I hate that show “The Office”. All they do is look at the camera. Uh, professionalism, anyone? 6:29 PM Nov 12th from HootSuite
  12. Just Helping Lisa with her homework. Now I remember why I never did homework. 6:24 PM Nov 12th from HootSuite
  13. I just turned on that show “So you think you can dance?” My answer is “No, I don’t”. 5:10 PM Nov 10th from HootSuite
  14. Trying to help Lisa with her math homework. Did you know that multiplication and division are enemies? 6:44 PM Nov 9th from web
  15. LOL OMG ROTFL :) :( WTF YYSW... Sorry, I had a mini stroke while I was writing “hello.” 6:00 PM Nov 8th from HootSuite
  16. Elvis Costello said “What’s so funny about peace, love and understanding?” To that list I’d add Dane Cook and “The Family Circus.” 4:45 PM Nov 7th from HootSuite
  17. I’m using that steroid cream Barry Bonds used. Wait, instead of Barry Bonds it was my father and instead of steroids, it was hemorrhoids. 6:32 PM Nov 6th from HootSuite
  18. Taking care of Maggie. My shift ends when one of us has to go to the bathroom. 10:40 AM Nov 5th from HootSuite
  19. I’m drunk. No, wait I’m trying to get drunk. Big difference. 8:15 PM Nov 4th from HootSuite
  20. Here’s a great baseball drinking game. Every pitch, drink a beer. When you wake in the hospital, the nurses will tell you who won. 7:45 PM Nov 4th from HootSuite