HitStart
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When someone tells me about a book they've read, I pretentiously say, "Oh, I don't even own a book."
1:24 PM May 16th
via Twitter for iPhone
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Once upon a time there was a girl named Snow White who lived in a beautiful forest, and always had a vague look of numb disinterest.
7:14 PM May 26th
via Echofon
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Quick, somebody trademark the title "The Pope's Butler" before Kevin James does!
3:19 PM May 26th
via Echofon
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Single women, just remember this summer is going to be exactly like last summer-- only you're older.
3:48 PM May 25th
via Twitter for iPhone
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Love isn't a battlefield. It's a murder-suicide.
5:28 PM May 24th
via web
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@ call it the "Shabbat Shuck" or like Jewish corn or something.
12:47 PM May 22nd
via Twitter for iPhone
in reply to ColtCabana
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"Let's do two quick verses, two choruses, then see how long we can jerk off with our guitars, then fade" -- all 70's rock
8:52 AM May 18th
via Twitter for iPhone
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@ Who the fuck are you ?
@
12:27 AM May 17th
via Twitter for iPhone
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I want a name for my business that says "I'm kind of a passive-aggressive dick".
11:37 AM May 14th
via Camera on iOS
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I don't want to alarm anyone, but I just spoke to a girl who's "exhausted". I'll keep you all posted.
11:31 AM May 14th
via web
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.@ "Mullet"? I prefer the terms "Kentucky waterfall" or "Canadian passport."
11:11 AM May 11th
via Twitter for iPhone
in reply to evanrachelwood
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@ FUCK OFF BEFORE I RAPE YOUR
9:39 PM May 8th
via Twitter for iPhone
in reply to grennayxsrp4
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"@ I thought space was your thing?" Okay. Stars in Milky Way outnumber bacteria in that 1cm stretch of colon.
12:46 PM May 1st
via TweetDeck
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FYI: Who's in Charge? More Bacteria live & work in one centimeter of your lower colon than the sum of all humans ever born.
12:27 PM May 1st
via TweetDeck
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Is, "Shapeshifters!" a bad thing to yell when you ejaculate?
7:48 PM Apr 28th
via web
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Dried sperm in a condom will now be known as "rubber sement". Adjust accordingly.
9:32 AM Apr 25th
via web
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RT @: Yeah, I've totally got the hang of this sexting thing. (faxes an ultrasound of my empty uterus)
1:17 PM Apr 13th
via TweetCaster for iOS
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Everyone who claimed God told them to run for President has now dropped out. Either they were all full of shit or God's an asshole.
11:32 AM Apr 10th
via web
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RT @: Please tell me there'll be a commentary on Ted DVD with you, Mila & Mark // Your profile pic is terrifying.
10:18 AM Apr 3rd
via Echofon
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- Name The Big Dauwg
- Location Big VERRmont aka N of Texas
- Web http://www.destru...
- Bio Previous owner of a mint green ford taurus, enjoys bad-touch and salt licks, and hates you.
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