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Henlips

  1. At a wedding with Hasselhoff. No joke. 4:03 PM Dec 19th from mobile web
  2. a 4:02 PM Dec 19th from mobile web
  3. My mom wanted to go to the store to buy a CD, so I just downloaded it for her on I-tunes. Now she thinks I'm a witch. 1:53 PM Dec 19th from mobile web
  4. I'm really offended at the way serial killers on these crime shows are always depicted as being "crazy". 1:06 PM Dec 17th from mobile web
  5. My deodorant is called "Speed Stick", aptly named because of how quickly it wears off. 8:19 PM Dec 16th from mobile web
  6. Just cried during a Kay Jewelers commercial. 6:50 PM Dec 15th from mobile web
  7. RT @brendonwalsh RT @ScottAukerman RT @Neil_Hamburger: RT @RealCarrotTop: Check out Chairman of the Board on HBOFamily Please RT 5:35 PM Dec 14th from web
  8. Idea for college game: Watch Glenn Beck and drink every time you hear a rhetorical fallacy. 2:23 PM Dec 13th from mobile web
  9. Woke up this morning with a little case of the old "down syndrome". 9:59 AM Dec 13th from mobile web
  10. RT @TheOnion Rod Stewart Mistaken For Elderly Aunt http://bit.ly/5g5Ih1 12:00 PM Dec 12th from mobile web
  11. Hey, did anybody see my earlier tweet about Mickey Rourke? I thought that one was kind of cute. #tootyourownhornsaturdays 11:18 AM Dec 12th from mobile web
  12. Haven't bathed in a week, but folks are still nice. I went to buy cigarettes, and the lady gave me all the cash in the register! 4:12 PM Dec 11th from mobile web
  13. Sorry, I can't delete my redundant tweet from this hotel computer "for security reasons". Fraudulent tweets must be a big problem here. 10:03 AM Dec 11th from web
  14. Louisville, KY? I'm at the Improv this weekend: 502-581-1332 http://bit.ly/7FDNg9 9:53 AM Dec 11th from Facebook
  15. Hi Louisville, KY! I'm at the Improv this weekend, 502-581-1332 9:50 AM Dec 11th from web
  16. Just saw "The Wrestler". I really like that Mickey Rourke. I guess because he reminds me of a girl I used to date. 9:25 AM Dec 11th from mobile web
  17. I love how airlines just invent another company they blame all their screwups on. I'm gonna rename myself "Henry Eagle Express" 11:43 AM Dec 10th from mobile web
  18. I got lucky and sat next to a stinky hobo on the plane. Now I can just fart all day long and everybody's gonna blame it on him. 10:42 AM Dec 10th from mobile web
  19. I don't get to see a lot of comics' fan mail. Thank goodness they always re-tweet it for me! 3:45 PM Dec 9th from mobile web
  20. OK Ambulance guy, we know you have a neat-o siren, but that doesn't mean you can keep playing with it while people are sleeping. 3:39 PM Dec 7th from mobile web