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Guydelines

  1. @Ellisienne That's the same conclusion I've come to... about 5 hours ago via web in reply to Ellisienne
  2. @Ellisienne Untrue. People are 98% alike. Do you wear jeans? ME TOO! Do you fall in love? ME TOO! Do you lie? ME TOO! It's not perception. about 5 hours ago via web in reply to Ellisienne
  3. "Doez this clevige make my brane look BIG?" ~ what girls think while they're pushing their boobs out in their profile pic about 6 hours ago via HootSuite
  4. @Ellisienne Every woman thinks she's not like other women. about 6 hours ago via web in reply to Ellisienne
  5. When I'm President, Memorial Day will be "Flash A Soldier Day". 'Cause I know what the troops want. USA! - USA! - USA! - USA! - USA! - USA! about 7 hours ago via HootSuite
  6. To get a woman in the mood for sex, play Robin Thicke. To get a man out of the mood for sex, play Sarah McLachlin. about 17 hours ago via HootSuite
  7. Cooking ain't so hard. I just started & so far I've mastered every recipe where you put something on a cookie sheet & sprinkle cheese on it. about 24 hours ago via HootSuite
  8. My friend in the diamond business has a voice that's SOOOOOOOOOO annoying. 12:01 PM May 26th via HootSuite
  9. I could tell you but then I'd have to [unfriend] you. 9:31 AM May 26th via HootSuite
  10. Just saw some people running on the side of the road. Like we're living in 300 B.C. or something... 8:10 AM May 26th via HootSuite
  11. I quit drinking Mountain Dew last week. But, by the way this one tastes, I'm willing to quit again. 6:48 AM May 26th via HootSuite
  12. Liars are just cheaters in training. 6:01 PM May 25th via HootSuite
  13. It's okay if you don't laugh at my jokes. I don't drool over your lunch pictures. 10:01 AM May 25th via HootSuite
  14. Women prefer to MARRY a sense of humor (to kill it). But prefer to DATE rich guys (so they feel like Pretty Woman when they put out). 8:02 AM May 25th via HootSuite
  15. I'm doing open mic at a gay bar. But, I'm taking my pepper spray because those guys will be thinking that I'm too hot to be straight. 6:45 PM May 24th via HootSuite
  16. Thanks, Facebook! Now when a buddy says he tagged someone, I am no longer stoked for him. 3:54 PM May 24th via HootSuite
  17. You don't have to know shit about love, what you want, or who you are. As long as you know about commitment, your relationship can work. 10:14 AM May 24th via HootSuite
  18. Lesbians that marry for money are smarter than the rest of us. 9:53 PM May 23rd via HootSuite
  19. Up was an option long before you hit bottom, idiot. 1:22 PM May 23rd via HootSuite
  20. I imagine people naked ALL the time. That way, when I do it while public speaking, I don't get nervous. 7:49 AM May 23rd via HootSuite