gottawannaneeda
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Been bullshitting around with two married broads. Karma has a fucked up way of paying if forward.
6:25 PM May 13th
via Twitter for Mac
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Don't fret, followers. I'm still here. Just been fucking a lot.
10:53 AM Apr 16th
via Twitter for Mac
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It's the one-year anniversary of this Twitter account. To summarize 2011: Lots of beer, lots of fucked up roomies, and lots of groping.
1:25 PM Dec 31st, 2011
via Twitter for Mac
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Pulled my ass muscle at dodgeball. It's going to be hard to do any pelvic-thrusts for a while.
7:34 AM Dec 19th, 2011
via Twitter for Mac
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Regarding the last two months: Fuck Walmart, got groovy at a wedding, the NCAA can suck my balls, threw away Strawberry Shortcake Rolls.
3:11 PM Nov 14th, 2011
via Twitter for Mac
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One of my good childhood buddies is dating a tall female bodybuilder. This portrait of them grosses me the fuck out:
3:52 PM Sep 11th, 2011
via Twitter for Mac
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About to donkey punch these loud fucks at my local @. The next kiddo who runs by me gets relentlessly tripped.
5:48 PM Jul 13th, 2011
via Twitter for Mac
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Update: Have a new live-in guest, who's a dirty fuck face with a furry bush. Come on over and I'll show you my pubic-covered bathroom floor.
4:43 PM Jun 27th, 2011
via Twitter for Mac
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Korean terrorist roommate is moving next weekend, but his Kimchi scent will linger for eternity in my fridge.
7:45 AM Apr 5th, 2011
via Twitter for Mac
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The Cleveland Cavaliers just erected me.
6:20 PM Mar 29th, 2011
via Twitter for Mac
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No joke, Xbox Live gave me the gamertag suggestion "MuzzledRug" tonight. They know their audience.
8:55 PM Mar 20th, 2011
via Twitter for Mac
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Made it rain green at the bar last night.
5:52 AM Mar 18th, 2011
via Twitter for Mac
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I'm marinating the prime rib, ladies.
7:47 AM Mar 4th, 2011
via Twitter for Mac
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I hope this new smell in my townhouse is just my new roommates food and not his nut musk.
4:11 PM Feb 26th, 2011
via Twitter for Mac
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Gave my new terrorist roommate a key to the pad tonight. If I suddenly stop tweeting, don't fret—I'm dead and in a better place.
8:38 PM Feb 24th, 2011
via Twitter for Mac
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My bitch roommate moved out over the weekend. No more hacking it up, cranking the heat, smelly dinners, or nasty morning squirts.
6:40 AM Feb 21st, 2011
via web
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@ Yo guy, quit @-replying me every time you stuff greasy garbage down your pie hole.
2:45 PM Feb 20th, 2011
via Twitter for Mac
in reply to lawpower
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I expect a lot of folks will be doing the mattress mambo tonight.
5:50 PM Feb 14th, 2011
via Twitter for Mac
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Got stood up for the first time in my life last night by a Quasimodo look-alike. I'd never sexed a hunchback before. Still on my to-do list.
9:56 AM Feb 12th, 2011
via Twitter for Mac
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The Dan Gilbert (@) wasn't shitting his pants and could still get it up. Seems like an eternity.
11:13 AM Feb 8th, 2011
via web
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- Name Rupert Lee Swayze
- Location Your Pants, U.S.A.
- Bio I look damn good in a robe. Trust me.
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