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gottawannaneeda

  1. Been bullshitting around with two married broads. Karma has a fucked up way of paying if forward. 6:25 PM May 13th via Twitter for Mac
  2. Don't fret, followers. I'm still here. Just been fucking a lot. 10:53 AM Apr 16th via Twitter for Mac
  3. It's the one-year anniversary of this Twitter account. To summarize 2011: Lots of beer, lots of fucked up roomies, and lots of groping. 1:25 PM Dec 31st, 2011 via Twitter for Mac
  4. Pulled my ass muscle at dodgeball. It's going to be hard to do any pelvic-thrusts for a while. 7:34 AM Dec 19th, 2011 via Twitter for Mac
  5. Regarding the last two months: Fuck Walmart, got groovy at a wedding, the NCAA can suck my balls, threw away Strawberry Shortcake Rolls. 3:11 PM Nov 14th, 2011 via Twitter for Mac
  6. One of my good childhood buddies is dating a tall female bodybuilder. This portrait of them grosses me the fuck out: veryaware.com/wp-content/upl… 3:52 PM Sep 11th, 2011 via Twitter for Mac
  7. About to donkey punch these loud fucks at my local @Starbucks. The next kiddo who runs by me gets relentlessly tripped. 5:48 PM Jul 13th, 2011 via Twitter for Mac
  8. Update: Have a new live-in guest, who's a dirty fuck face with a furry bush. Come on over and I'll show you my pubic-covered bathroom floor. 4:43 PM Jun 27th, 2011 via Twitter for Mac
  9. Korean terrorist roommate is moving next weekend, but his Kimchi scent will linger for eternity in my fridge. #GoneButNotForgotten 7:45 AM Apr 5th, 2011 via Twitter for Mac
  10. The Cleveland Cavaliers just erected me. 6:20 PM Mar 29th, 2011 via Twitter for Mac
  11. No joke, Xbox Live gave me the gamertag suggestion "MuzzledRug" tonight. They know their audience. 8:55 PM Mar 20th, 2011 via Twitter for Mac
  12. Made it rain green at the bar last night. #100dollartip #SaintPatrick 5:52 AM Mar 18th, 2011 via Twitter for Mac
  13. I'm marinating the prime rib, ladies. 7:47 AM Mar 4th, 2011 via Twitter for Mac
  14. I hope this new smell in my townhouse is just my new roommates food and not his nut musk. 4:11 PM Feb 26th, 2011 via Twitter for Mac
  15. Gave my new terrorist roommate a key to the pad tonight. If I suddenly stop tweeting, don't fret—I'm dead and in a better place. 8:38 PM Feb 24th, 2011 via Twitter for Mac
  16. My bitch roommate moved out over the weekend. No more hacking it up, cranking the heat, smelly dinners, or nasty morning squirts. 6:40 AM Feb 21st, 2011 via web
  17. @lawpower Yo guy, quit @-replying me every time you stuff greasy garbage down your pie hole. 2:45 PM Feb 20th, 2011 via Twitter for Mac in reply to lawpower
  18. I expect a lot of folks will be doing the mattress mambo tonight. #VDay 5:50 PM Feb 14th, 2011 via Twitter for Mac
  19. Got stood up for the first time in my life last night by a Quasimodo look-alike. I'd never sexed a hunchback before. Still on my to-do list. 9:56 AM Feb 12th, 2011 via Twitter for Mac
  20. The #LastTimeTheCavsWon Dan Gilbert (@cavsdan) wasn't shitting his pants and could still get it up. Seems like an eternity. 11:13 AM Feb 8th, 2011 via web
  • Name Rupert Lee Swayze
  • Location Your Pants, U.S.A.
  • Bio I look damn good in a robe. Trust me.
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