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God_Damn_Batman

  1. Lucius modified my grill to include carbon density heat-shielding and a Lockheed F-22 afterburner. I win Memorial Day. about 8 hours ago via Batcomputer
  2. I am Vengeance. I am The Night. I am ordering a $15,000 grill on Amazon. 11:47 AM May 26th via Batcomputer
  3. The only “man in black” worth watching this summer wears a cape and a cowl. 2:49 PM May 25th via Batcomputer
  4. Told Robin he could wear the batsuit tonight. Surprised? He will be when he finds the high voltage anti-theft zipper. On the codpiece. 12:01 PM May 24th via Batcomputer
  5. When you come to a fork in the road, stab a drug dealer in the hand with it. 12:17 PM May 23rd via Batcomputer
  6. Hey Zuckerberg, next time you’re going to lose billions of dollars on a crazy project, make it a prototype aerial stealth tank. 2:16 PM May 22nd via Batcomputer
  7. The world can be divided into three basic groups: Criminals, potential criminals, and Batman. 12:07 PM May 21st via Batcomputer
  8. Hey kids, are you a big fan of the game Battleship? Go see The Avengers again. 11:48 AM May 19th via Batcomputer
  9. Watching Battleship is like holding the boardgame up to your face and letting me hit you in the kidney. But with Riggins in it. 3:29 PM May 18th via Batcomputer
  10. Is it just me or is Mark Zuckerberg one acid-facial industrial accident away from turning supervillain? 11:45 AM May 18th via Batcomputer
  11. You know how it starts out great but by the end of the night you’re digging claws out of your chest armor? Yeah. It was that kind of date. 1:32 PM May 17th via Batcomputer
  12. If your car doesn’t have black tail-fins, you’re doing it wrong. 2:37 PM May 15th via Batcomputer
  13. Alfred, I’m tracing a call from Ra’s al Ghul through 16 different satellites. I WILL OPEN THAT JAR FOR YOU LATER. 2:47 PM May 14th via Batcomputer
  14. When your mom bled out next to a dumpster, it kind of takes the fun out of the IHOP Mother’s Day Brunch. 12:22 PM May 13th via Batcomputer
  15. Hey, Tim Burton. Time we had a “chat” about you ditching Michael Keaton for Johnny Depp as your favorite star. Don’t worry. I’LL FIND YOU. 2:07 PM May 11th via Batcomputer
  16. Gordon said he isn’t so much “sad” as he is “disappointed” I forgot his birthday. That’s okay. I didn’t so much “forget” as I did “ignore.” 3:15 PM May 10th via Batcomputer
  17. Suspending the use of illegal cell phone monitoring. Not for ethical reasons. But because HOLY CRAP I’VE SEEN TOO MANY TEXTED DONGS. 12:47 PM May 9th via Batcomputer
  18. I know it’s cliche to say you hate clowns. But how many of you come home from work with white face paint on your fists? 11:33 AM May 8th via Batcomputer
  19. It will be so sad to see a nice movie like the Avengers get its face caved in by The Dark Knight Rises in a couple months. 6:58 PM May 7th via Batcomputer
  20. Dammit. Now I want a Hulk. 1:05 PM May 7th via Batcomputer
  • Name The Batman
  • Location The rooftop behind you.
  • Bio The hero Twitter deserves, but not the one it needs. So you'll follow him. Because he can take it. GDB@batcomputer.net
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