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Girl11Eleven

  1. To handle the holidays with my family, I wonder at what level of excess I will need to be at on a scale of 1 to Amy Winehouse.
  2. Sometimes I feel like I'm probably one tweet away from jumping the shark.
  3. As I laugh at the twisted jokes on Twitter I realize the only thing I find personally offensive is the fact that nothing seems to offend me.
  4. I'm okay with making typos because it solidifies how perfect I am at being imperfect.
  5. Licking the beater #ThanksgivingEuphamisms
  6. Are you a thigh or a breast man? #ThanksgivingEuphemisms
  7. That's a nice meat thermometer. #ThanksgivingEuphemisms
  8. Being that it's the holiday season don't forget to donate to Toys for Twats at a box near you or at your local spank bank.
  9. I had a dream I was dating Jon Gosselin and was pregnant with 8 babies. My subconscious is obviously the place where dreams go to die.
  10. @BrilliantOrange I caught that Bear Bottom too.
  11. Black Friday isn't very politically correct. I'm renaming it to You-must-be-out-of-your-fucking-mind-if-you-think-I'm-shopping-today Friday
  12. Flipping between the Bears game and the AMAs may have simultaneously ruined both football and music forever for me.
  13. Dear Crazy Celebs, please do something truly bizarre & Twitter worthy tonight at the AMAs so we can finally end the Imma let u finish jokes.
  14. It's definitely that time of the year again for SAD sufferers. I saw plenty of people with Seasonal Asshole Disorder at the mall today.
  15. @runwicked Yeah well, I guess now I will just take Charlie out tonight and cry in our beers. Maybe him and I can job search together?
  16. @runwicked I meant to add in Double OT. I swear Ive called every play in this game. Look out Charlie. Maybe I should coach next?
  17. @runwicked Cardiac kids for sure. I called that last FG to tie and FG they missed. I'm calling ND win.
  18. The only thing I like about cold weather is being able to keep the box of wine on the back porch. They take up way too much fridge space.
  19. @JephKelley Happy birthday! Remember that growing older is mandatory; growing up is an option.
  20. Got another wedding invite in the mail. I always sing a rousing rendition of "Another One Bites The Dust" as I fill out the RSVP cards.