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Girl11Eleven

  1. To handle the holidays with my family, I wonder at what level of excess I will need to be at on a scale of 1 to Amy Winehouse. about 3 hours ago from TweetDeck
  2. Sometimes I feel like I'm probably one tweet away from jumping the shark. about 17 hours ago from TweetDeck
  3. As I laugh at the twisted jokes on Twitter I realize the only thing I find personally offensive is the fact that nothing seems to offend me. 11:32 AM Nov 24th from TweetDeck
  4. I'm okay with making typos because it solidifies how perfect I am at being imperfect. 10:37 AM Nov 24th from TweetDeck
  5. Licking the beater #ThanksgivingEuphamisms 10:00 AM Nov 24th from TweetDeck
  6. Are you a thigh or a breast man? #ThanksgivingEuphemisms 9:54 AM Nov 24th from TweetDeck
  7. That's a nice meat thermometer. #ThanksgivingEuphemisms 9:53 AM Nov 24th from TweetDeck
  8. Being that it's the holiday season don't forget to donate to Toys for Twats at a box near you or at your local spank bank. 11:41 AM Nov 23rd from TweetDeck
  9. I had a dream I was dating Jon Gosselin and was pregnant with 8 babies. My subconscious is obviously the place where dreams go to die. 7:15 AM Nov 23rd from TweetDeck
  10. @BrilliantOrange I caught that Bear Bottom too. 8:35 PM Nov 22nd from TweetDeck in reply to BrilliantOrange
  11. Black Friday isn't very politically correct. I'm renaming it to You-must-be-out-of-your-fucking-mind-if-you-think-I'm-shopping-today Friday 7:27 PM Nov 22nd from TweetDeck
  12. Flipping between the Bears game and the AMAs may have simultaneously ruined both football and music forever for me. 7:06 PM Nov 22nd from TweetDeck
  13. Dear Crazy Celebs, please do something truly bizarre & Twitter worthy tonight at the AMAs so we can finally end the Imma let u finish jokes. 5:04 PM Nov 22nd from TweetDeck
  14. It's definitely that time of the year again for SAD sufferers. I saw plenty of people with Seasonal Asshole Disorder at the mall today. 4:00 PM Nov 22nd from TweetDeck
  15. @runwicked Yeah well, I guess now I will just take Charlie out tonight and cry in our beers. Maybe him and I can job search together? 3:15 PM Nov 21st from TweetDeck in reply to runwicked
  16. @runwicked I meant to add in Double OT. I swear Ive called every play in this game. Look out Charlie. Maybe I should coach next? 3:06 PM Nov 21st from TweetDeck in reply to runwicked
  17. @runwicked Cardiac kids for sure. I called that last FG to tie and FG they missed. I'm calling ND win. 2:56 PM Nov 21st from TweetDeck in reply to runwicked
  18. The only thing I like about cold weather is being able to keep the box of wine on the back porch. They take up way too much fridge space. 1:24 PM Nov 21st from TweetDeck
  19. @JephKelley Happy birthday! Remember that growing older is mandatory; growing up is an option. 1:06 PM Nov 21st from TweetDeck
  20. Got another wedding invite in the mail. I always sing a rousing rendition of "Another One Bites The Dust" as I fill out the RSVP cards. 11:26 AM Nov 21st from TweetDeck