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FunnyScrew

  1. I like sleeping, its like death without commitment. about 7 hours ago via Seesmic
  2. Anyone else wonder where the hell "swear words" came from and who decided they were bad? about 10 hours ago via web
  3. Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I'd like to read a medication bottle and see "May cause extreme sexiness." about 10 hours ago via web
  4. Slamming the door shut, so everybody in the house knows you're pissed off. about 10 hours ago via web
  5. When I was kid, "You're not invited to my party" was the worst insult ever about 10 hours ago via web
  6. Finally has sex. Gets an STD. #EpicFail about 12 hours ago via web
  7. Tries to search for crush on Facebook. Sets her name as his status. #EpicFail about 12 hours ago via web
  8. Watches porn for the first time. Hits the "share to Facebook" link. #EpicFail about 12 hours ago via web
  9. All girls are Beautiful after lights are switched off -Shakespeare. All boys are innocent before lights are switched off -Shakespeare's Wife about 12 hours ago via web
  10. I may not be where I wanna be, but I am so glad I'm not where I used to be...be patient with me, GOD isn't finished with me yet! about 12 hours ago via web
  11. I think the furniture store lady misunderstood me when I asked for one nightstand. about 22 hours ago via web
  12. *Mom Shouts* "What's your excuse this time?" Me: "Uhhh, YOLO!!" about 22 hours ago via web
  13. A teenager = Someone who is well prepared for a zombie attack but not ready for tomorrows math test. about 22 hours ago via web
  14. To the people that put their Twitter link in their own Twitter profile: Thank you. I would have never found you otherwise. about 22 hours ago via web
  15. My doctor told me not to lift anything heavy for a few weeks. So I have to sit when I pee now. about 22 hours ago via web
  16. If your friends don't make fun of you, they're not really your friends. about 22 hours ago via web
  17. "I'm not mad, Why would I be mad?, (girls who are mad) about 22 hours ago via web
  18. Drinking alcohol makes me an alcoholic. So does drinking Fanta make me fantastic? about 22 hours ago via web
  19. "Page 404 not found" Bitch, I wasn't looking for Page 404 5:46 AM May 26th via Seesmic
  20. I love watching two girls meet each other. It’s easily the most fake thing I have ever seen. 5:42 AM May 26th via Seesmic