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We've secretly replaced your sweet loving baby with a screaming toddler who wakes at 6am demanding waffles.
Let's see if I notice!4:45 AM Nov 14thfrom Tweetie
Playing a game with the family, when she shouts, "I am Queen of A-Labia!"
Grandma always gets the good characters.1:38 PM Nov 13thfrom Birdhouse
In my FlashForward I saw myself never watching that awful show again.
And just like that, it came true.5:37 PM Nov 12thfrom Tweetie
"My 'sexdar' is so off that a guy could slap me in the forehead with his penis and I'd wonder if it was a new dance craze."1:33 PM Nov 7thfrom Tweetie
Just bought the toddler his very first Star Wars t-shirt.
I'd say that alone tips the scales in my favor as this years Mother of the Year.8:55 AM Nov 7thfrom Tweetie
Irony of the day: A faded flag bumper sticker that reads, 'These colors don't run'.7:21 AM Nov 7thfrom Tweetie
My mother is @-replying me to do favors for her.
This is why we can't have nice internets.5:56 AM Nov 7thfrom web
Everyone knows 'beer before liquor, never sicker' but it's a little known fact that 'salt before chocolate, you have PMS'.3:14 PM Nov 6thfrom Tweetie
I have to wonder if I've finally hit my low when I find myself licking the salt off of pistachios first thing in the morning.7:14 AM Nov 6thfrom Tweetie