Fakeweiler
-
TEAM OMAR, MUTHAFUCKAS.
4:07 PM Dec 13th
from Tweetie
-
RT @: "Nothing is more nauseating than having to see and hear a grown man thoroughly enjoy a Tootsie Pop."
. . .in his ass.
4:34 PM Nov 19th
from web
-
@ Welcome back! And I'm sorry for any calls you've been getting from the Dallas BATF field office.
8:54 PM Oct 15th
from Brizzly
in reply to detweiler
-
My date didn't like it when I called her the S.S. DoomPuss. But it's not my fault her menstrual cycle smells like a rusty old battleship.
11:40 PM Sep 17th
from Birdfeed
-
Hey guys -- I think I just met my future wife! And I guess she pulled a favor or something, cuz she says we're expecting a baby in 7 months!
8:52 PM Aug 14th
from web
-
Dear washed-up stars: just . . . grab your emergency packs and head to the bunker, okay?
R.I.P. Ted Danson and Mary Steenbergen
8:28 PM Jun 30th
from Tweetie
-
Tonight is going to be special.
I cleaned the apartment, I smell fantastic, and these anal beads will make a pretty cool light pull later!
12:53 PM Jun 20th
from Tweetie
-
As I pissed in an empty restroom and went to put it back in my pants, I learned that THE DICK I'D HELD WASN'T MINE. ?
4:13 PM Jun 14th
from Tweetie
-
Sometimes a man wants nothing more than for his special lady to show she appreciates all that he does for her by overcoming her gag reflex.
8:50 PM Jun 7th
from Tweetie
-
Well, now I've gone and done it. Anybody know how to free a man's testicles from a decorative piggybank without causing permanent damage?
8:45 PM May 27th
from Tweetie
-
Activia isn't just a yogurt; it's a lifestyle.
Albeit a shitty one.
9:30 PM May 24th
from web
-
Whenever I wake up with my hand already in my boxers, absently caressing myself, I can't help but feel like I'm one step ahead of the day.
6:29 AM May 21st
from Tweetie
-
I met a personal hero today, but he turned out to be a dick. Steve Buscemi, you're *not* famous enough to pass on a brojob from your #1 fan.
10:52 AM May 9th
from Tweetie
-
So long, guys. I have a real live to start living. This stack of anime porn isn't going to masturbate to itself!
1:01 PM Apr 28th
from web
-
You think you can do better? Fine! You'll know the sting of regret when you see my cat and I at the park, sharing a delicious Hot Pocket!
6:46 AM Apr 25th
from Birdhouse
-
My HR rep just called me into his office. I guess our female employees are fed up with what they call my "superfluous testes adjustments."
7:14 AM Apr 17th
from web
-
Evacuating my bowels after a long night of drinking . . . ASS USUALLY.
9:17 AM Apr 11th
from web
-
I think we all need to band together and buy Meredith Vieira some new boobs. Otherwise, my morning wood is bordering on the unconscionable.
4:26 PM Apr 6th
from web
-
How many times does this have to happen before I learn my lesson?! Shake it, and only then do I return it to my pants. Shake, *THEN* return!
8:10 AM Mar 20th
from Tweetie
-
Lucky me, I hooked up with a hottie just as the bar was closing. And by "hottie," I mean she has an acceptable boob : belly fat ratio.
10:01 PM Mar 13th
from Tweetie
|
- Name Fake Detweiler
- Location Your mom's panty drawer.
- Bio Like the real @detweiler, but less complicated.
|
