FakeBible
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Num3:49-51 Moses collected this protection-- er, REDEMPTION-- money, so God never troubled the firstborns for anything again. Just kidding.
9:03 AM Apr 25th
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Num3:44-48 God: "I'm giving up 273 firstborns, then. So you owe Me $6,875.00, cash only."
8:04 AM Apr 25th
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Num3:42-43 So they did. And the number of the firstborns God was renouncing claim to was 22,273 without compound interest.
7:04 AM Apr 25th
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Num3:40-41 Then God told Moses to count all the firstborn guys older than one month, and not to round to the nearest 50 like usual.
6:04 AM Apr 25th
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Num3:39 The total number of Levite males one month and older was 22,000. There were also women Levites, but whatever.
5:03 AM Apr 25th
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Num3:38 Moses, Aaron, Eleazar, Ithmar and family camped to the east of the tabernacle, and got to see some really great sunrises.
12:04 PM Apr 24th
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Num3:33-37 The 6200 Merathite Levites kept the structure of the tabernacle itself sturdy. Praying on collapsing floors is no fun.
11:04 AM Apr 24th
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Num3:32 The Kohathites reported directly to Eleazar, who always gave them massive props, literally and figuratively.
10:03 AM Apr 24th
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Num3:27-31 The 8600 Kohathite Levites handled furnishings and altars. You thought we were exaggerating about the furnishings, didn't you?
9:03 AM Apr 24th
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Num3:21-26 The Gershonite Levites were curtain-ite Levites. They were 7500 drapery maintainers.
8:04 AM Apr 24th
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Num3:17-20 The clans had the kind of names you think are very pretty and original, then forget three minutes later.
7:04 AM Apr 24th
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Num3:14-16 "Count all the male Levites that are older than one month. First one to guess the correct number wins a prize."
6:03 AM Apr 24th
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Num3:11-13 "I'm swapping the Levites for all your firstborn kids. They will be Mine now. Though really, you're ALL Mine. Mine, Mine, Mine."
5:04 AM Apr 24th
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Num3:10 "Aaron and his sons are the priests. Anyone else who sneaks into the tabernacle should be sneaked right back out... OF LIFE."
11:03 AM Apr 23rd
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Num3:9 "Give the Levites wholly to Aaron and his sons. But not, you know, sexually."
10:03 AM Apr 23rd
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Num3:8 There were about 6000 guys handling tabernacle furnishings alone.
9:23 AM Apr 23rd
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Num3:5-7 But they were still just two guys, plus Aaron. So God assigned the entire tribe of 44,000 Levites to back them up.
8:04 AM Apr 23rd
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Num3:4 Ithamar was a trusty assistant. Eleazar was high-priest-in-training and the original mensch.
7:04 AM Apr 23rd
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Num3:2-4 Well, Aaron's first two kids, the dumb ones, were still dead, but the other two, Eleazar and Ithamar, were priesting it up good.
6:04 AM Apr 23rd
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Num3:1 Say, what about Moses' own family? How was it getting along?
5:03 AM Apr 23rd
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- Name Fake Bible Edition
- Location Gomorrah
- Web http://www.fakebi...
- Bio Mistranslating the Good Book, one microheresy at a time.
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