EthanSuplee
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@ I have, he was a wee little bit of a guy.
about 1 hour ago
from UberTwitter
in reply to nottjmiller
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I found a 1/2 eaten jalapeno popper while cleaning, at first I was deeply offended, then thankful, I just needed that one last bite.
about 5 hours ago
from UberTwitter
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What I wouldn't give for a little Lent.
about 6 hours ago
from UberTwitter
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Meanwhile on the reservation...
3:52 PM Nov 26th
from UberTwitter
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"Thanks for a country where nobody is allowed to mind his own business. Thanks for a nation of finks." -William Burroughs
12:04 PM Nov 26th
from UberTwitter
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Well, our neighbors have already called the fire dept on us. Isn't a little (or even billowing amounts of) smoke expected today?
11:50 AM Nov 26th
from UberTwitter
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I've decided that only volunteering on Thanksgiving sends the wrong message to my kids. So I've canceled our volunteer work.
8:22 AM Nov 26th
from UberTwitter
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Once more into the store, dear friends, once more;
To fill up your cart with the gobbling dead.
4:19 PM Nov 25th
from web
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Sorry Shel Silverstein but I don't get it. My kids keep telling me I'm the tree and I'm not entirely OK with that.
4:44 PM Nov 24th
from UberTwitter
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What's a good fad diet to try? Babies are generally small, considering a week of that pap to recover from the coming gluttony.
3:49 PM Nov 24th
from UberTwitter
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I'm pretty sure The Giving Tree has sent the wrong lesson to my kids. My severed limbs would not be a fun toy for them!
11:01 AM Nov 24th
from UberTwitter
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The trees swayed silently, watching the loggers and wanting nothing more than some peaceful repose, perhaps as a cabin or some toilet paper.
10:58 AM Nov 24th
from UberTwitter
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"Stop using that word! Fair?! Life's not fair and we're not Communists so get over it."
10:39 AM Nov 23rd
from UberTwitter
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"Here's the difference kids, my idea of Santa is fun, your delusion is starting to scare me a little."
9:49 AM Nov 23rd
from UberTwitter
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I often try to trick myself into not sweating by putting on a sweatshirt. It's my own version of reverse child psychology.
12:59 PM Nov 22nd
from UberTwitter
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The concert is finally over and I'll be honest, I clapped the loudest because, it's finally over.
12:36 AM Nov 22nd
from web
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Yes Taylor, she does wear short skirts...but what she DOESN'T do is tell him where he belongs. He isn't an object Taylor.
1:47 PM Nov 21st
from UberTwitter
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On second thought: I think we'd see a spike in suicides if life were turned into a musical. Lets trim the fat!
12:49 PM Nov 21st
from UberTwitter
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Poorly worded.
9:58 AM Nov 21st
from UberTwitter
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Whenever in a porta-potty I have just one relevant thought: I REALLY hope my phone doesn't jump out of my pocket and into the miasmic abyss.
7:43 PM Nov 20th
from UberTwitter
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- Verified Account
- Name Ethan Suplee
- Location LA
- Web http://www.ethans...
- Bio Formerly I made a living on television pretending to be someone vastly more intelligent than I actually am...
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