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EthanSuplee

  1. @nottjmiller I have, he was a wee little bit of a guy.
  2. I found a 1/2 eaten jalapeno popper while cleaning, at first I was deeply offended, then thankful, I just needed that one last bite.
  3. What I wouldn't give for a little Lent.
  4. Meanwhile on the reservation...
  5. "Thanks for a country where nobody is allowed to mind his own business. Thanks for a nation of finks." -William Burroughs
  6. Well, our neighbors have already called the fire dept on us. Isn't a little (or even billowing amounts of) smoke expected today?
  7. I've decided that only volunteering on Thanksgiving sends the wrong message to my kids. So I've canceled our volunteer work.
  8. Once more into the store, dear friends, once more; To fill up your cart with the gobbling dead.
  9. Sorry Shel Silverstein but I don't get it. My kids keep telling me I'm the tree and I'm not entirely OK with that.
  10. What's a good fad diet to try? Babies are generally small, considering a week of that pap to recover from the coming gluttony.
  11. I'm pretty sure The Giving Tree has sent the wrong lesson to my kids. My severed limbs would not be a fun toy for them!
  12. The trees swayed silently, watching the loggers and wanting nothing more than some peaceful repose, perhaps as a cabin or some toilet paper.
  13. "Stop using that word! Fair?! Life's not fair and we're not Communists so get over it." #shitisayasadad
  14. "Here's the difference kids, my idea of Santa is fun, your delusion is starting to scare me a little." #shitisayasadad
  15. I often try to trick myself into not sweating by putting on a sweatshirt. It's my own version of reverse child psychology.
  16. The concert is finally over and I'll be honest, I clapped the loudest because, it's finally over.
  17. Yes Taylor, she does wear short skirts...but what she DOESN'T do is tell him where he belongs. He isn't an object Taylor.
  18. On second thought: I think we'd see a spike in suicides if life were turned into a musical. Lets trim the fat!
  19. Poorly worded. #sinceretweet
  20. Whenever in a porta-potty I have just one relevant thought: I REALLY hope my phone doesn't jump out of my pocket and into the miasmic abyss.