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EmInPortland

  1. I'm only in the airport and already a few women are doing the walk of shame. about 15 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
  2. My favorite thing about Vegas is the all-you-can-eat shrimp buffet. My least favorite thing is the all-you-can-shit salmonella poisoning. about 20 hours ago via web
  3. You should never judge a man by his virginity until you've pranced a coupled feet in his Crocs. about 20 hours ago via web
  4. @UNTRESOR That's what I do, but substitute 100 stars for 5 negative stars. about 20 hours ago via web in reply to UNTRESOR
  5. Happy 35th Birthday, Star Wars. And, happy 35 years of virginity to all you Star Wars fan convention-goers. about 21 hours ago via web
  6. I once lost my favorite coffee mug for like 3 months. So, parents of Etan Patz, I totally get it. about 21 hours ago via web
  7. Getting @RexHuppke to respond to me is my White Whale. Probably calling him fat like that isn't going to help. about 21 hours ago via web
  8. @RexHuppke But, in your defense, they'll be liberated some time tomorrow morning. about 22 hours ago via web in reply to RexHuppke
  9. @Colorlessdave Sorry, not pinterested. about 22 hours ago via web in reply to Colorlessdave
  10. I'm more likely to recycle paper if I think of it as tossing out the white-trash. In my world, this also applies to Facebook de-friending. about 22 hours ago via web
  11. Its hard leaving my cat when I go away for the weekend. I just know that asshole is going to drink all my liquor. about 22 hours ago via web
  12. Polar Bears are by far the cutest animals who can also rip out your jugular vein. 9:19 AM May 25th via web
  13. In honor of Memorial Day, I hope not to remember my entire weekend in Vegas. 9:17 AM May 25th via web
  14. @theNuzzy A Nuzzy - Someone desparate enough for attention that she'll make up some bullshit to get mentioned on a podcast. 12:19 PM May 24th via web in reply to theNuzzy
  15. It was super-easy packing for Vegas. Crotchless panties don't take up a lot of room. 11:19 AM May 24th via web
  16. Rich people problems: I have to take a poop real bad, but the cleaning lady is in the bathroom. 11:04 AM May 24th via web
  17. @wordlust Wow, she's a poet and didn't even know it. 3:48 PM May 23rd via web in reply to wordlust
  18. @UNTRESOR What!?! @jackmackenroth is gay!?! 1:30 PM May 23rd via web in reply to UNTRESOR
  19. "Hmmm, Favstar must be down again" - Me being delusional about the quality of my tweets. 1:29 PM May 23rd via web
  20. @culturepulp How sad. I used to do the daily crossword puzzle during lectures. 1:22 PM May 23rd via web in reply to culturepulp