EmInPortland
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I'm only in the airport and already a few women are doing the walk of shame.
about 15 hours ago
via Twitter for iPhone
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My favorite thing about Vegas is the all-you-can-eat shrimp buffet. My least favorite thing is the all-you-can-shit salmonella poisoning.
about 20 hours ago
via web
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You should never judge a man by his virginity until you've pranced a coupled feet in his Crocs.
about 20 hours ago
via web
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@ That's what I do, but substitute 100 stars for 5 negative stars.
about 20 hours ago
via web
in reply to UNTRESOR
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Happy 35th Birthday, Star Wars. And, happy 35 years of virginity to all you Star Wars fan convention-goers.
about 21 hours ago
via web
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I once lost my favorite coffee mug for like 3 months. So, parents of Etan Patz, I totally get it.
about 21 hours ago
via web
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Getting @ to respond to me is my White Whale. Probably calling him fat like that isn't going to help.
about 21 hours ago
via web
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@ But, in your defense, they'll be liberated some time tomorrow morning.
about 22 hours ago
via web
in reply to RexHuppke
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@ Sorry, not pinterested.
about 22 hours ago
via web
in reply to Colorlessdave
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I'm more likely to recycle paper if I think of it as tossing out the white-trash. In my world, this also applies to Facebook de-friending.
about 22 hours ago
via web
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Its hard leaving my cat when I go away for the weekend. I just know that asshole is going to drink all my liquor.
about 22 hours ago
via web
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Polar Bears are by far the cutest animals who can also rip out your jugular vein.
9:19 AM May 25th
via web
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In honor of Memorial Day, I hope not to remember my entire weekend in Vegas.
9:17 AM May 25th
via web
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@ A Nuzzy - Someone desparate enough for attention that she'll make up some bullshit to get mentioned on a podcast.
12:19 PM May 24th
via web
in reply to theNuzzy
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It was super-easy packing for Vegas. Crotchless panties don't take up a lot of room.
11:19 AM May 24th
via web
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Rich people problems: I have to take a poop real bad, but the cleaning lady is in the bathroom.
11:04 AM May 24th
via web
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@ Wow, she's a poet and didn't even know it.
3:48 PM May 23rd
via web
in reply to wordlust
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@ What!?! @ is gay!?!
1:30 PM May 23rd
via web
in reply to UNTRESOR
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"Hmmm, Favstar must be down again" - Me being delusional about the quality of my tweets.
1:29 PM May 23rd
via web
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@ How sad. I used to do the daily crossword puzzle during lectures.
1:22 PM May 23rd
via web
in reply to culturepulp
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- Name Emily
- Bio Does this Twitter account make me look like I'm desperate for attention?
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