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EmInPortland

  1. I'm only in the airport and already a few women are doing the walk of shame.
  2. My favorite thing about Vegas is the all-you-can-eat shrimp buffet. My least favorite thing is the all-you-can-shit salmonella poisoning.
  3. You should never judge a man by his virginity until you've pranced a coupled feet in his Crocs.
  4. @UNTRESOR That's what I do, but substitute 100 stars for 5 negative stars.
  5. Happy 35th Birthday, Star Wars. And, happy 35 years of virginity to all you Star Wars fan convention-goers.
  6. I once lost my favorite coffee mug for like 3 months. So, parents of Etan Patz, I totally get it.
  7. Getting @RexHuppke to respond to me is my White Whale. Probably calling him fat like that isn't going to help.
  8. @RexHuppke But, in your defense, they'll be liberated some time tomorrow morning.
  9. @Colorlessdave Sorry, not pinterested.
  10. I'm more likely to recycle paper if I think of it as tossing out the white-trash. In my world, this also applies to Facebook de-friending.
  11. Its hard leaving my cat when I go away for the weekend. I just know that asshole is going to drink all my liquor.
  12. Polar Bears are by far the cutest animals who can also rip out your jugular vein.
  13. In honor of Memorial Day, I hope not to remember my entire weekend in Vegas.
  14. @theNuzzy A Nuzzy - Someone desparate enough for attention that she'll make up some bullshit to get mentioned on a podcast.
  15. It was super-easy packing for Vegas. Crotchless panties don't take up a lot of room.
  16. Rich people problems: I have to take a poop real bad, but the cleaning lady is in the bathroom.
  17. @wordlust Wow, she's a poet and didn't even know it.
  18. @UNTRESOR What!?! @jackmackenroth is gay!?!
  19. "Hmmm, Favstar must be down again" - Me being delusional about the quality of my tweets.
  20. @culturepulp How sad. I used to do the daily crossword puzzle during lectures.