Get short, timely messages from Heather B. Armstrong.

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Canada
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United Kingdom
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Indonesia
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Ireland
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United States
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dooce

  1. I love to watch golf when I'm sleeping.
  2. @daffodilblog @chrisdary whoa. I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes.
  3. @sarahhartshorne MY WORST NIGHTMARE. And then after the race is over, every store is sold out of ibuprofen!
  4. because no judge on earth is going to side with a whistler: dooce.com/2012/05/24/i-a…
  5. Is your kid constantly misspelling words? Give him a twitter account and let the @ replies shame the fuck out of him.
  6. "Fever" is the sexiest love song ever written about strep throat.
  7. I was never eight years old so I don't understand: dooce.com/2012/05/21/noi…
  8. The Cranberries came on the stereo at the gym and, well, it turns out the music in this cop's squad car is even worse.
  9. Just drank a smoothie filled with kale, so, you know, my farts are going to smell like moral superiority.
  10. @pableauxNO aw, the bluffs of my hometown. Thank you. Great memories.
  11. @pableauxNO @fatbackteam you've made me homesick! So jealous.
  12. @suebob I hope that person sells a million of those.
  13. HOLY SHIT I SEXTED MY BROTHER: dooce.com/2012/05/17/int…
  14. @millslovessoph i just starred the shit out of that tweet. cc @CamillaCombs
  15. Yes, I know this is my CHAIR, gay man who got carried away with the label maker.
  16. "You have a right to a quiet trip free of horn-honking." - sign in NYC cab. This car honors my private parts more than Republicans do.
  17. UGH! Remember trying to text on these things? instagr.am/p/KnVr2fAkZc/
  18. Has anyone ever debarked their three-year-old? dooce.com/2012/05/10/dre…
  19. Toddler saved all the marshmallows in her Lucky Charms for last LIKE A FUCKING PRO.
  20. @amalah I have a pretty good idea about which one you shouldn't get!