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Dolanite

  1. When you dress your kid in red sox gear, you are just dressing them like a tiny asshole. 10:09 PM May 24th via Twitter for Android
  2. The ambush grows a tart fruit indeed. 10:04 PM May 24th via Twitter for Android
  3. Lactaid milk ads at 1:30 am. For the fart yourself awake demographic. 1:45 AM May 19th via Twitter for Android
  4. Walked 1.66 miles before my pedometer fell in the toilet. 3:30 PM May 16th via web
  5. Home fires burn 3 buildings. I told you assholes to put those out. But no, you had to keep the home fires burning. Sexy bastards! 7:54 AM May 16th via Twitter for Android
  6. @SpookyGrimm Late night Taco Bell run motto! 11:38 AM May 12th via Twitter for Android in reply to SpookyGrimm
  7. IT'S NOT RIGHT, BUT IT'S OK! 10:51 PM May 11th via Twitter for Android
  8. Appropriate to going 35 on the freeway she is playing songs from my Grandmother's era. 8:38 AM May 8th via Twitter for Android
  9. Pop quiz! What is the safe distance to leave between you and the car in front of you? If you guessed two football fields you are my driver! 8:36 AM May 8th via Twitter for Android
  10. Carpool driver is too intimidated for the 580/80 AM commute. Maybe I shouldn't have laughed when she almost hit the jaunty pedestrian. 8:31 AM May 8th via Twitter for Android
  11. Keep almost falling asleep, then this dream that the room is spinning keeps waking me up. 6:52 AM May 6th via Twitter for Android
  12. The day after I drink tequilla I'm never quite sure which end the tequilla is going to be coming out of. 6:19 AM May 6th via Twitter for Android
  13. @jas508 or a strip joint? 5:53 PM Apr 18th via Twitter for Android in reply to jas508
  14. My drycleaner knows me by my weird stains and cat hair. HOW YOU DOING? 5:12 PM Mar 30th via Twitter for Android
  15. City Of Oakland, Daylight Savings happened weeks ago. Adjust the street lights at Franklin Downtown accordingly. It's 7AM & commute time. 6:09 AM Mar 27th via Twitter for Android
  16. @ljharb Thanks for the heads up. It was not weather related. I ended up getting a seat that somebody no showed for. Total bullshit though. 3:31 PM Mar 16th via Twitter for Android in reply to ljharb
  17. Maybe stuck in LA till tomorrow and miss the wedding I'm supposed to be attending. Nader sued for fraud for a bullshit like this and won. 11:25 AM Mar 16th via Twitter for Android
  18. Got bumped from a connecting flight due to corporate greed overselling by #UnitedAirlines 11:24 AM Mar 16th via Twitter for Android
  19. Spooky Vagina. 12:17 PM Mar 9th via web
  20. Goth girls do it with the lights out! Pee, I mean. I just walked into a dark restroom and one was washing her hands. YOUR WELCOME! 12:14 PM Mar 9th via web