Dogphorisms
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We should build a big fence to keep out cats. They’re taking our jobs!
about 17 hours ago
from web
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My owner taught me to pick up *his* poo in a bag. I wonder why he got arrested...
8:48 AM Nov 28th
from web
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Goddamn right we’re smart as two-year-olds. Some of these kids are still pissing in the house. Were they raised by wolves?
8:43 AM Nov 27th
from web
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I’m the Wilt Chamberlain of dogs. My sexual exploits are legendary, and I ate 100 goose turds in one afternoon.
8:24 AM Nov 26th
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“Catch the frisbee” is a great game, but so is “Eat the used condom off the sidewalk.” Mmm!
8:21 AM Nov 25th
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We’re not all good dogs or bad dogs, you know. Some of us are anti-heroes like Vic Mackey or Pepe le Pew.
8:22 AM Nov 24th
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If you don’t bark at postal workers, they will move in and never leave and kill everybody. And that’s the best-case scenario.
8:12 AM Nov 23rd
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Kittens are *not* as cute as puppies. Marmaduke has done research.
8:35 AM Nov 22nd
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Unless your homework is a sandwich, a hamster, or that awesome pair of panties, "the dog" did not eat it.
9:19 AM Nov 21st
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If we can put a man on the moon, we can put a dog on the kitchen table. Come on, NASA.
8:50 AM Nov 20th
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I bet the first caveman to get a dog made the coyotes and werewolves very jealous.
8:28 AM Nov 19th
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I think I’m in love with a cat. Is that romantic or a crime against nature? Can it be both?
8:52 AM Nov 18th
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If they gave a Nobel Prize for rolling on half-skeletonized rat corpses, I’d be a contender.
9:18 AM Nov 17th
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Some dogs obey out of love or for food. Others bide their time till the pictures in that Ewok costume can be destroyed.
1:55 PM Nov 16th
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How can there be a kabillion different poodle mixes, yet I can’t get a date with even *one* of these sex maniacs?
8:59 AM Nov 16th
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Sure, barking all night will make your owners mad, but what if they didn’t know there were neighbors in the neighborhood?
8:30 AM Nov 15th
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I can lick my own balls. I can lick my own balls! Holy God, I can lick my own balls.
9:14 AM Nov 14th
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I don’t appreciate the term “shih-poo”. Why not just call me a turd-crap?
12:57 PM Nov 13th
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Let’s increase NASA funding. Maybe there are tennis balls on Mars.
8:29 AM Nov 13th
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Shredding toilet paper is awesome. Hey, it’s not like that stuff has a function!
2:35 PM Nov 12th
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- Name Mark Peters
- Location Chicago
- Bio I channel words of wisdom--for dogs, by dogs--through my squirrel-scented ouija board.
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