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I can't wait to eat my weight in mashed potatoes ... Then I'm going to fuck the shit outta the green-bean casserole.about 23 hours agofrom Tweetie
Yesterday was the 150th anniversary of Darwin's On the Origin of the Species ... It's a shame that so few of its detractors have read it.8:32 AM Nov 25thfrom Tweetie
In hindsight, the 'I Love Mormon Pussy' shirt probably wasn't the best souvenir for my wife.8:54 PM Nov 24thfrom Birdhouse
It's not even Thanksgiving, and I'm already stuffing christmas lights up the neighbor's ass.8:04 PM Nov 24thfrom Tweetie
Any day that involves a new Tom Waits release is a fuckin' good day ...10:29 AM Nov 24thfrom Tweetie
Wife just brought home some Star Wars in Concert tickets ... She's one hell of a woman ... Great rack, too.5:07 PM Nov 23rdfrom Tweetie
Wife: Why do people think Jay-Z is such hot shit?
Me: I haven't the foggiest.
Wife: We must be old.
Me: I'm still hot for your boobs.9:17 PM Nov 22ndfrom Tweetie
If you're new to the Adult-Sized Wipes scene, I'd think twice before acting on the need to 'get up in there and clean it out real good.'10:23 AM Nov 22ndfrom Tweetie
