DeliciousBoat
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"Set phasers to 'LOVE ME!'"
about 1 hour ago
via web
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OH NO, HOW DID I GET WHIPPED CREAM ON MY PENIS! -@
about 4 hours ago
via web
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God I hate birds so much.
about 14 hours ago
via web
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Holy crap Donald Glover has an amazing body. As if he wasn't perfect enough already.
about 18 hours ago
via web
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HAY GUYS! Remember the part in Entrapment when Sean Connery is worried about the laser beams?
about 23 hours ago
via web
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I can tell when my panic has reached critical mass because I end up standing in my bathroom, hyperventilating with a towel over my face.
5:22 PM May 24th
via web
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I enjoy fun in all its forms and have often been described by friends and colleagues as "Who?"
3:25 PM May 24th
via web
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Be what you are but please let me believe you are mine.
10:05 AM May 24th
via web
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I really don't see how people can call it sexist if a man makes a vagina joke. I don't think anyone's parts should be off limits for humor.
7:45 AM May 24th
via web
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I love you all!
2:28 AM May 24th
via web
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@ Whatever I only took like six minutes. Maybe you shouldn't be so damn impatient all the time.
2:45 PM May 23rd
via web
in reply to FebruaryStar02
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The next time somebody makes that joke about black women having crazy names, try whispering "MRAZZZZZ" into their ears and moonwalking away.
10:07 AM May 23rd
via web
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7 days and 7 stories.
2:10 AM May 23rd
via web
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I'm so sorry.
1:03 AM May 23rd
via web
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CROSSBOWS AND CLARKIA
10:24 PM May 22nd
via Twitter for iPhone
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Never making another male friend. My life will be so much more pleasant.
6:11 PM May 22nd
via web
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In the Just So You Know Department: incessantly tweeting me to respond to you will almost assuredly achieve the opposite result.
2:46 PM May 22nd
via Tweetbot for iOS
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Draw a bath of steaming mineral water for you and your flesh-companion. Then put your faces up to one another and scream without blinking
10:30 AM May 22nd
via web
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"All nine tools combine make the deadliest weapon. I'm going to attack you with it and you use respect to defend yourself."
4:37 AM May 22nd
via web
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"I can tell life from TV. In TV, we have likable leading men. In real life, we just have you."
4:30 AM May 22nd
via web
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- Name Jeremy Evans
- Location Seattle, WA
- Bio I am in rare form.
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