DeathBlossom
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I'm giving you guys a golden shower.
(of stars)
(if you'd rather have pee DM me)
12:37 PM Nov 24th
from Twitterrific
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if you can't be with the one you love
Love the mom you're with
8:52 AM Nov 24th
from Twitterrific
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What do turtles call it when they are just on the verge of taking a shit in their pants?
7:51 AM Nov 23rd
from Twitterrific
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Owning a big truck isn’t always about what you think.
I own mine because I need to haul big stuff around and I have a tiny penis.
7:01 AM Nov 20th
from Twitterrific
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I want to try my hand at copywriting.
Want the taste of hobo feet without the hassle? Clamato®.
Clamato®: 2 girls 1 cup in a can.
8:21 AM Nov 19th
from Twitterrific
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DAMMIT. I broke my good bag scratchin’ nail. And I just got all the rough edges smooth too.
7:14 AM Nov 19th
from Twitterrific
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If you mean like chaps then, yes, your 3G has great coverage. Capri chaps.
10:22 AM Nov 17th
from Twitterrific
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Sitcom writers,
Preachy is never funny, unless you’re preaching about monkeys riding bicycles.
8:37 AM Nov 17th
from Twitterrific
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I’m so dehydrated that I piss silly string. Just imagine the world’s creepiest clown.
8:00 AM Nov 17th
from Twitterrific
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Archeologists are wrong, the oldest tool ever is this fuckhead in the Buick in front of me.
8:04 AM Nov 16th
from Twitterrific
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My friends want me to tag along and watch a gay porn match tonight. Oops, Soccer. I meant soccer match. I always get those two mixed up.
8:02 AM Nov 13th
from Twitterrific
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What has two thumbs and an index finger and wishes this hooker had trimmed her nails? My ass
8:11 AM Nov 12th
from Twitterrific
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Hasbro: Ray Liotta, Edward James Olmos and Tommy Lee Jones Celebrity Mr. Potato Heads.
You’re welcome.
7:34 AM Nov 12th
from Twitterrific
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Diamonds are a girl’s best friend, and lots of tequila in that girl is a guy’s best friend.
8:42 AM Nov 11th
from Twitterrific
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The 1 year old has so much glitter on his face that he looks like he’s been motorboating strippers all night. And he’s out of singles.
7:54 AM Nov 11th
from Twitterrific
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When does Stockholm Syndrome kick in?
Huh? No reason.
Don’t look in the basement.
2:46 PM Nov 10th
from Twitterrific
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@ the theory goes that there is one of my wife's purses at the center of every galaxy.
10:12 AM Nov 10th
from Twitterrific
in reply to thebenbrooks
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Damn, it’s hotter than Usain Bolt’s taint after a 100m dash in corduroy pants up in here today.
10:02 AM Nov 10th
from Twitterrific
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“I want you inside me”, I softly whispered to my coffee.
7:45 AM Nov 10th
from Twitterrific
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Hey bad analogy guy who can’t differentiate between a metaphor and a simile, I hate you as badly as a thousand monkeys smell. (simile)
6:14 PM Nov 9th
from web
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- Name Travis Wayne Gacy
- Location On top of your mom
- Web http://favstar.fm...
- Bio The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. George Bernard Shaw
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