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Darren_Dutton

  1. Don we now our gay apparel. This bright red PVC bodysuit feels a bit tight though.
  2. I tried to do some online shopping on the Woolworths website but it was all boarded up.
  3. Today I put a Man in a tree, threw stones at him and then I got him down from the tree. I think I might write a story about it.
  4. Just seen Disney's Christmas Carol. Jim Carrey is old man Steptoe with the voice of Prince Philip.
  5. Worst place to go for a drink this Christmas: Bar Humbug.
  6. @serafinowicz your appearance on Wogan's show this morning was just lovely and very funny btw
  7. @serafinowicz Ol' Tel's having a whitey....
  8. Badminton, eh. What a waste of time.
  9. Leslie Ash regrets that fateful day she said "Go go Gadget Face".
  10. One of the pleasures of twitter is discovering which celebrities have problems with basic literacy.
  11. The Meteorological section of The Lancet today predicts cloudy urine.
  12. Mmm, these spring rolls are delicious. Hang on- those aren't spring rolls, they're Kangaroo penises! Damn those Iceland/I'm a Celebrity ads
  13. The Queen is being played by five different actresses on Channel 4 next week. I hope she regenerates at the end of every episode.
  14. I didn't clean round the bath this morning therefore confirming my status as a baadass mofo.
  15. It's the last episode of Eastenders tonight. New series starts on Thursday.
  16. It all started off so innocently with those Spiderman candy cigarettes. Now I'm addicted to Batman crack cocaine.
  17. Toying with the idea of writing a sitcom set in a morgue which would have the same theme tune/lyrics as "Cheers".
  18. So there's a birth certificate and a death certificate but as yet still no intermediate "how's it going?" certificate
  19. Those Chinese Wispas are horrible. I think the recipe got mixed up when it was passed around all the different countries.
  20. My Uncle died of dyslexia. He needed to go to A & E but ended up at B & Q.