DailySedaris
-
It was odd. I'd always heard how clean Canada was, how peaceful, but perhaps people had been talking about a different part,the middle maybe
about 17 hours ago
from Twitterrific
-
My room was clean and orderly, and if I'd had my way it would have smelled like an album jacket the moment you removed the plastic.
10:53 AM Nov 25th
from Twitterrific
-
The collection was not magnificent, but it was enough to give you an overview, and to remind you that you pretty much sucked.
9:44 AM Nov 24th
from Twitterrific
-
Think ahead, and plan accordingly, especially in regard to your vices.
9:31 AM Nov 23rd
from Twitterrific
-
There are shops in Paris where nothing is for sale, no matter how hard you beg.
12:41 PM Nov 22nd
from web
-
Camels were for procrastinators, those who wrote bad poetry, and those who put off writing bad poetry.
1:18 PM Nov 21st
from web
-
A tiny splinter works itself into his palm, and he claims to know exactly how Jesus must have felt on the cross.
12:29 PM Nov 20th
from web
-
Out of nowhere I developed this lump. I think it was a cyst or a boil, one of those things you associate with trolls...
3:02 PM Nov 19th
from Twitterrific
-
His watch was fat and plastic, like a yo-yo strapped to his wrist
1:34 PM Nov 18th
from web
-
"You might can fuck him up some times, but, bitch, nobody kills the motherfucking Rooster. You know what I’m saying?"
1:52 PM Nov 17th
from web
-
...and I recall feeling sorry for him, because I hate the bulkhead. Tall people covet it, but I prefer as little leg room as possible.
1:50 PM Nov 16th
from web
-
"They were Jesuits," she told me. "That means they believe in god but not in terlet paper. You should have seen thier underwear. Disgusting"
2:35 PM Nov 15th
from Twitterrific
-
Behold the recluse looking pensive!/ Mildew, though, is quite extensive/ On his head, both aft and fore./ He maybe shoulda got out more.
2:19 PM Nov 14th
from web
-
Even asleep, she broadcast her hostility, each gentle snore sounding like an accusation. Ass-hole. Ass-ho-ole.
1:15 PM Nov 13th
from web
-
It sometimes helps to remind myself that not everyone is like me.
1:11 PM Nov 12th
from web
-
"But you're old," I once told her. "Your job is to be happy for me."
11:53 AM Nov 11th
from Twitterrific
-
The common areas of the building were covered in small ceramic tiles, giving the impression that you were in an empty pool.
11:53 AM Nov 10th
from Twitterrific
-
Even as a child I was fascinated by death, not in a spiritual sense, but in an aesthetic one.
11:32 AM Nov 9th
from Twitterrific
-
The woman's feet were tiny, no longer than hot dog buns. She had on puffy sneakers, cheap ones made of air and some sort of plastic...
1:33 PM Nov 8th
from web
-
When asked what we wanted to be when we grew up, we hid the truth and listed who we wanted to sleep with when we grew up.
2:17 PM Nov 7th
from web
|
- Name David Sedaris Fan
- Bio a tweet a day from the immortal tomes of David Sedaris
|
