CynicsGuide
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This Christmas, thank the garbage collector personally. Then toss an apple core out the window of your Lexus.
about 7 hours ago
from web
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@ re: Kansas...HERE HERE! i would, however, love to date a gal named Kansas so I could use that cliche when I pulled out.
3:47 PM Dec 13th
from web
in reply to nerdist
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@ might be urban legend, but isn't "TIPS" an acronym for To Insure Prompt Service? makes sense, yes?
3:41 PM Dec 13th
from web
in reply to doshdosh
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Whenever you take something back for a refund or exchange, wear a coat and tie. You'll be the best-dressed guy at Dildorama.
10:08 AM Dec 12th
from web
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And now Meatballs is on Comedy Central...am I the only one who adores this movie?? Whatever happened to that Bill Murray guy?
1:46 PM Dec 11th
from web
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Just watched the "Dealbreakers" episode of 30 Rock for the third time. It's just perfect on every level.
1:10 PM Dec 11th
from txt
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Someone referred to my dancing as "retarded"...which is totally offensive. I prefer the term, Boogie Down Syndrome.
7:21 AM Dec 10th
from web
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Morrissey on Lopez Tonight?? I didn't realize that show catered to asexual, Latino cutters.
6:40 PM Dec 9th
from web
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I would "verify" my twitter profile, but for serious, who would ever fake being me?
12:13 PM Dec 9th
from web
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RT @: It's true: Conan O'Brien is the guest on NNF608! Non-Primos can get the ep here:
...
12:08 PM Dec 9th
from web
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Someone told me it's not my job to get people to like me; it's my job to like people. So i quit.
8:16 AM Dec 9th
from web
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Always buy extension cords and garden hoses longer than you think you need. And start dating Black guys. Same reason.
11:58 AM Dec 8th
from web
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@ ...and you can't spell 'peninsula' without 'penis.'
6:34 PM Dec 7th
from web
in reply to toddwomack
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And you are too kind, sir. @
6:32 PM Dec 7th
from web
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Take a brisk walk every morning. Back to your sorority house.
6:59 AM Dec 7th
from web
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I have a love-hate relationship with mixed emotions.
1:33 PM Dec 6th
from txt
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Hey, Price is Right...enough with the fucking hot tubs.
8:12 AM Dec 4th
from txt
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Redeem gift certificates promptly. Those "massage clinics" don't stay in business for long.
2:25 PM Dec 3rd
from txt
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I want to name my first kid 'Debris'. If it catches on in each state, we can have Debris scattered across the country. Right?? Am I right??
11:37 AM Dec 3rd
from web
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I downloaded Private Eyes by Hall & Oates and man alive, I forgot how awesome the entire album is. And no, I'm not kidding.
7:47 AM Dec 2nd
from txt
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- Name Mario DiGiorgio
- Location Austin, TX
- Web http://bignoselit...
- Bio Comedy guy/Author of A Cynic's Guide to a Rich and Full Life.
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