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CrypticDevice

  1. His interest in Amazon head shrinking was purely utilitarian. His small Manhatten apartment overflowed with normal sized heads. #vss 8:39 AM Apr 8th via web
  2. White dripped and mixed with red on the floor. Disappointment. David thought Julie's skull would make a better cereal bowl than it did. #vss 11:32 AM Apr 7th via web
  3. Only a few surprisingly simple adjustments and his dryer became a teleporter. He would never wear his own underwear again. #vss 6:07 AM Mar 24th via web
  4. The carving knife didn't work, likely a short in the electrical cord. Odd, the cord worked fine before using it to strangle the hobo. #vss 6:18 AM Mar 23rd via web
  5. Fearful of what his last dying sight might be, he gazed upon his wife and then gouged his eyes out. 23 sightless years later, he died. #vss 4:50 AM Mar 22nd via web
  6. It started with 11,800. Each day, one less. Eventually surviving on just one a day. The Cheerio diet worked. She proudly wore one as a ring. 5:23 AM Mar 21st via web
  7. A tiny tail floating in the old mason jar made him bitter, but the stem cell treatment was working. A nub was visible. He felt whole. #vss 5:30 AM Mar 15th, 2011 via web
  8. He noticed a delay between flipping the switch and the light. The potion was working, Kevin was moving and thinking much faster now. #vss 6:01 AM Mar 14th, 2011 via web
  9. Deciding it would save him time in the long run, Donald ate 14 squares of toilet paper after every meal. Wiping was no longer necessary.#vss 8:36 AM Mar 9th, 2011 via web
  10. Just before her response, an infinite number of parallel universes were launched. Why did he have to be in the one where she said no? #vss 7:23 AM Mar 8th, 2011 via web
  11. He had invented a machine. When working properly the machine would completely vanish. Leaving him to wonder if he invented it at all. #vss 7:04 AM Mar 2nd, 2011 via web
  12. Nearly all the parking spots in his brain we filled. ABBA was recklessly parked, taking up 2 spots. There would be no new music today. #vss 3:43 PM Mar 1st, 2011 via web
  13. By hole 14 he was down 50k and sitting in a sand trap. Tonight he'd return to the same trap, it was the perfect place to hide a corpse. #vss 9:56 AM Aug 13th, 2010 via web
  14. The sexual tension grew a tweet at a time, building to a highly anticipated tweetup. Alas, disappointment. Nothing to say face to face. #vss 3:49 PM Aug 11th, 2010 via web
  15. Toby had just finished reading every page on the internet. Then they built more. Toby decided enough was enough and it must be stopped. #vss 3:26 PM Aug 11th, 2010 via web
  16. His world was grey, no black or white. He ate limons with a liger for brunch, wearing a slanket, listening to folktronica in Texarkana. #vss 8:14 AM Aug 10th, 2010 via web
  17. Kent knew it was important not to panic. He'd been encased in #jello many times before, but this time had no appetite for it. #vss 6:24 AM Aug 9th, 2010 via web
  18. The bar was packed. He pondered how many people in the crowd had ever committed assault, rape or even murder. Or the trifecta like him. #vss 6:12 AM Aug 9th, 2010 via web
  19. The surgeon marveled at Ted's pumpkin sized tumor. His blade cut cleanly. Hundreds of toasted pumpkin seeds leaked from the incision. #vss 7:37 AM Aug 8th, 2010 via web
  20. On command, the balloons twisted themselves into wiener dogs. A wild multi-color pack attacked the kids. It's Bozo's last birthday gig. #vss 8:11 AM Aug 7th, 2010 via web