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CourtneyReimer

  1. Stop Tweeting your Thanksgiving preparations. If I want to hear about the stuffing of old birds, I'll watch Golden Girls reruns. -@ditzkoff 1:32 PM Nov 25th from Tweetie
  2. @CranberryPerson I'd ask you to prove your acting/singing prowess, but your spelling of theater says it all. 1:04 PM Nov 25th from Tweetie in reply to CranberryPerson
  3. I dreamt I was so destitute I started dealing drugs in a casino. Strange how Thanksgiving begets the most realistic nightmares. 6:47 AM Nov 25th from web
  4. Money-saving laundry tip: smell each item multiple times until you can no longer tell if it's clean or dirty. Voilà! No need to do laundry. 5:52 PM Nov 24th from Tweetie
  5. @hotdogsladies Her hips may not lie, but they are a bit misleading, aren't they. 1:36 PM Nov 24th from Brizzly in reply to hotdogsladies
  6. Somehow I'm never around when somebody's baking Toll House cookies. 1:09 PM Nov 24th from Tweetie
  7. @RexHuppke I believe the correct word is "druncle." 7:43 AM Nov 24th from Twitterrific
  8. No one expects AOL to be on the bleeding edge, but isn't 20 years old a little late to get your period? 6:22 AM Nov 24th from Brizzly
  9. @evehorizon Smallpox-infested blankets. Duh. 6:00 AM Nov 24th from web in reply to evehorizon
  10. "Hey Gaga? Judd Apatow. Yeah. Got an idea to run by you. 'Rad Bromance.' Matthew McConaughey and Jason Segel are already on board..." 6:43 AM Nov 23rd from Brizzly
  11. @dansaltzstein Hey, whoa, slow down there, bub. It's not afternoon yet. Don't go taking precious minutes off my precious Sunday. 8:51 AM Nov 22nd from Tweetie in reply to dansaltzstein
  12. Can someone get me a glass of water?I'm parched from all this talking about how people are talking about people talking about Sarah Palin. 8:20 AM Nov 22nd from Tweetie
  13. A sign the '80s were a much simpler time: the most menacing thing a movie bad boy could say involved a command to eat his underthings. 11:34 AM Nov 21st from Brizzly
  14. "Day laborer" is such a vague job title. Is it just code for "not a prostitute"? 3:16 PM Nov 20th from Brizzly
  15. @AlisonRosen Me too, god knows. But 140 characters can't carry all my regrets. 2:58 PM Nov 20th from Twitterrific
  16. I wish I could ⌘-z the unwise tattoo choice I made in my early twenties. 2:09 PM Nov 20th from web
  17. @Beef_Tongue Pumpernickel? I hardly know 'er! 2:02 PM Nov 20th from web in reply to Beef_Tongue
  18. @brianbolter BRIAN BOLTER! I am blushing. Thank you. Thank you also for reminding me that I need to shorten my Twitter name STAT. 7:31 AM Nov 20th from Twitterrific
  19. Is it bad that every time I hear and/or read "KSM" I think of an early-'90s techno band having deviant sex on a Dutch airliner? 7:04 AM Nov 20th from Brizzly
  20. Receptionist (snapping gum, typing): "That's K-O-U-R-T-N-E-Y, right?" Clearly some people have no trouble keeping up with the Kardashians. 2:10 PM Nov 19th from web