ConanOBrien
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@, don’t doubt that I’m up to date on your team. In fact, I know Marcel Dionne and Rogie Vachon will take you all the way this year.
about 6 hours ago
via web
in reply to LAKings
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PS - I'm watching this @ game on my DVR. No spoilers, please.
about 11 hours ago
via web
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The @ are playing the @? I wonder which city that shouldn't have a hockey team will win.
about 11 hours ago
via web
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This morning I thought I heard a neighbor blasting that new @ song I like, but then I realized it was just the garbage truck.
9:21 AM May 24th
via web
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I’m sure the guys Mitt Romney bullied in high school take comfort in knowing he’s now a famous billionaire.
9:44 AM May 23rd
via web
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Backstage at , Tracy Morgan & I fight about if Greece's debt-to-GDP ratio is causing the Euro-Zone Recession:
3:50 PM May 22nd
via web
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A sad moment for civilization: I just bought Greece with an old can of olives.
9:16 AM May 21st
via web
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CBS greenlit a sitcom based on Groupon. Why is TBS stalling on my idea “Val-Pak Buddies?”
12:14 PM May 20th
via web
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They say “opposites attract” and yet I don’t have the hots for the Tanning Mom.
10:03 AM May 19th
via web
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Today, Facebook went public, just as MySpace’s last user went private.
10:24 AM May 18th
via web
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Going on Letterman tonight for the first time in 13 years. Dave wanted to wait until I hit puberty.
6:10 AM May 17th
via Twitter for iPhone
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.@ is considering filming her childbirth, on the off chance there’s someone out there who hasn’t seen her vagina yet.
11:18 AM May 16th
via web
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If Obama's the first gay president, then I'm the first gay late night host! Oh, he's not gay? Then I was being sarcastic.
5:16 PM May 15th
via web
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You know who’s behind this big push for gay marriage? The immensely powerful tuxedo industry.
11:21 AM May 14th
via web
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Instead of flowers, I sent my Mom an assortment of unsecured Greek Treasury bonds.
9:51 AM May 13th
via web
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I’m just like the Hulk, except when I’m mad, I get dry mouth.
3:36 PM May 12th
via web
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Thought from a recent hotel stay: doesn’t “Toblerone” sound like a character on Game of Thrones?
10:35 AM May 11th
via web
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Just heard someone logging onto AOL. Instead of “You’ve Got Mail” the voice now says, “Greetings, Old Fool!”
10:13 AM May 10th
via web
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This baseball season has an upside: my son gets to see the Red Sox I grew up with!
9:49 AM May 9th
via web
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I went to see “The Avengers” today and it was sold out. I looked like an idiot dressed like the Hulk during a showing of “Think Like a Man.”
10:17 AM May 8th
via web
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