ConanOBrien
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CBS greenlit a sitcom based on Groupon. Why is TBS stalling on my idea “Val-Pak Buddies?”
about 11 hours ago
via web
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They say “opposites attract” and yet I don’t have the hots for the Tanning Mom.
10:03 AM May 19th
via web
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Today, Facebook went public, just as MySpace’s last user went private.
10:24 AM May 18th
via web
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Going on Letterman tonight for the first time in 13 years. Dave wanted to wait until I hit puberty.
6:10 AM May 17th
via Twitter for iPhone
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.@ is considering filming her childbirth, on the off chance there’s someone out there who hasn’t seen her vagina yet.
11:18 AM May 16th
via web
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If Obama's the first gay president, then I'm the first gay late night host! Oh, he's not gay? Then I was being sarcastic.
5:16 PM May 15th
via web
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You know who’s behind this big push for gay marriage? The immensely powerful tuxedo industry.
11:21 AM May 14th
via web
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Instead of flowers, I sent my Mom an assortment of unsecured Greek Treasury bonds.
9:51 AM May 13th
via web
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I’m just like the Hulk, except when I’m mad, I get dry mouth.
3:36 PM May 12th
via web
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Thought from a recent hotel stay: doesn’t “Toblerone” sound like a character on Game of Thrones?
10:35 AM May 11th
via web
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Just heard someone logging onto AOL. Instead of “You’ve Got Mail” the voice now says, “Greetings, Old Fool!”
10:13 AM May 10th
via web
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This baseball season has an upside: my son gets to see the Red Sox I grew up with!
9:49 AM May 9th
via web
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I went to see “The Avengers” today and it was sold out. I looked like an idiot dressed like the Hulk during a showing of “Think Like a Man.”
10:17 AM May 8th
via web
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Tonight on , @ and I have a civilized interview. And then one of us smashes Andy in the face.
6:33 PM May 7th
via web
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Hey, say what you will about Donald Trump. Seriously, go ahead.
10:42 AM May 6th
via web
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Ever get really into playing a video game, only to discover it was just one of those high-tech Japanese toilets?
10:26 AM May 5th
via web
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Easy mistake: instead of renting MONEYBALL I accidentally rented a porn film called MILF WRANGLERS 6, VOLUME 2.
10:01 AM May 4th
via web
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What will history remember more? Muhammad Ali vs Joe Frazier, or Gavin DeGraw vs Jaleel White?
11:41 AM May 3rd
via web
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Question for the ladies: Late-onset back hair… as sexy as I hope?
11:32 AM May 2nd
via web
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People always ask me: “WHY?! OH GOD WHY?!!?” Mostly at the beach.
2:43 PM May 1st
via web
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