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ConanOBrien

  1. CBS greenlit a sitcom based on Groupon. Why is TBS stalling on my idea “Val-Pak Buddies?” about 11 hours ago via web
  2. They say “opposites attract” and yet I don’t have the hots for the Tanning Mom. 10:03 AM May 19th via web
  3. Today, Facebook went public, just as MySpace’s last user went private. 10:24 AM May 18th via web
  4. Going on Letterman tonight for the first time in 13 years. Dave wanted to wait until I hit puberty. 6:10 AM May 17th via Twitter for iPhone
  5. .@Snooki is considering filming her childbirth, on the off chance there’s someone out there who hasn’t seen her vagina yet. 11:18 AM May 16th via web
  6. If Obama's the first gay president, then I'm the first gay late night host! Oh, he's not gay? Then I was being sarcastic. 5:16 PM May 15th via web
  7. You know who’s behind this big push for gay marriage? The immensely powerful tuxedo industry. 11:21 AM May 14th via web
  8. Instead of flowers, I sent my Mom an assortment of unsecured Greek Treasury bonds. 9:51 AM May 13th via web
  9. I’m just like the Hulk, except when I’m mad, I get dry mouth. 3:36 PM May 12th via web
  10. Thought from a recent hotel stay: doesn’t “Toblerone” sound like a character on Game of Thrones? 10:35 AM May 11th via web
  11. Just heard someone logging onto AOL. Instead of “You’ve Got Mail” the voice now says, “Greetings, Old Fool!” 10:13 AM May 10th via web
  12. This baseball season has an upside: my son gets to see the Red Sox I grew up with! 9:49 AM May 9th via web
  13. I went to see “The Avengers” today and it was sold out. I looked like an idiot dressed like the Hulk during a showing of “Think Like a Man.” 10:17 AM May 8th via web
  14. Tonight on #Conan, @MettaWorldPeace and I have a civilized interview. And then one of us smashes Andy in the face. bit.ly/IQWoKe 6:33 PM May 7th via web
  15. Hey, say what you will about Donald Trump. Seriously, go ahead. 10:42 AM May 6th via web
  16. Ever get really into playing a video game, only to discover it was just one of those high-tech Japanese toilets? 10:26 AM May 5th via web
  17. Easy mistake: instead of renting MONEYBALL I accidentally rented a porn film called MILF WRANGLERS 6, VOLUME 2. 10:01 AM May 4th via web
  18. What will history remember more? Muhammad Ali vs Joe Frazier, or Gavin DeGraw vs Jaleel White? 11:41 AM May 3rd via web
  19. Question for the ladies: Late-onset back hair… as sexy as I hope? #FingersCrossed 11:32 AM May 2nd via web
  20. People always ask me: “WHY?! OH GOD WHY?!!?” Mostly at the beach. 2:43 PM May 1st via web