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CinderellaJoey

  1. Why yes, officer, it was self-defense. He came downstairs on my birthday and asked: "What's for dinner?" 11 minutes ago from web
  2. I stopped by the library to surf the internet. But then some woman asks me for computer AND boyfriend help! Dammit, so much for the porn. about 1 hour ago from web
  3. Everytime I see a picture of Brad Pitt and his scraggly beard, I get hungry. Who's gonna fetch me some Colonel's chicken? about 2 hours ago from web
  4. @RaiselM & @HemiRT5pt7 Every time somebody asks me how old I am, I'm gonna do a shot. Should make the work day interesting tomorrow. about 20 hours ago from web in reply to RaiselM
  5. Every year on my birthday, I cringe over the thought that my parents actually had sex. about 21 hours ago from web
  6. The Copenhagen Summit on Climate Change has just fined the U.S. for belching Tiger Woods and Jon Gosselin into the atmosphere. 7:15 AM Dec 9th from web
  7. Daughter's first boyfriend was named Forrest. Her second boyfriend is named Hunter. I'm hoping # 3 will be named Deer Season. 8:13 PM Dec 8th from web
  8. I'm. so. exhausted. today. Thank God, Tiger finally got into the shower so that I can recuperate. 2:27 PM Dec 8th from web
  9. You know you're getting older when you immediately locate the nearest Emergency room on vacation. 10:18 PM Dec 7th from web
  10. 10 hours on the road back home through THREE snowstorms. I feel dangerously sober.... 9:42 PM Dec 7th from web
  11. Hubby: "How do we get there?" Me (to the Garmin): "Computer, do we have a SPARE berylium sphere on board?" 7:09 PM Dec 6th from web
  12. Drove past a Hummer, a Maserati and a Ferrari within 5 mins of each other. And then I thought: Dick, Dick Wad, and Tiny Dick. 6:07 PM Dec 6th from web
  13. Driving down the street on vacation: All the Palm trees wave to me, and all the Cacti give me the finger. Make up yer mind, Scottsdale. 5:43 PM Dec 6th from web
  14. I'm leaving town until next Tuesday. I will miss kissing your avatars everyday! Mmmmmwah! 2:34 PM Dec 3rd from web
  15. @HemiRT5pt7 The sirens are blaring and the lights are flashing!....did somebody say RUM CAKES for our birthdays?? 1:53 PM Dec 3rd from web in reply to HemiRT5pt7
  16. This is a TEST of the emergency tweetcast system: Beeeep FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! The inspirational gurus and internet marketers all fall down. 9:55 AM Dec 3rd from web
  17. I dreamt that I was standing in front of class with a see-thru blouse and no bra on. How embarrassing! Especially since nobody noticed. 6:41 AM Dec 3rd from web
  18. My big money-making scheme is to put @debihope directly into an IV solution to cure depression. 10:25 PM Dec 2nd from web
  19. @xrayedman Not ME! I'll always follow you. BTW, that shirt you're wearing right now looks really great with your eyes. 9:58 PM Dec 2nd from web in reply to xrayedman
  20. I think Meredith Baxter was brave for admitting she was a lesbian, and she deserves to be awarded a Portia DeRossi in recognition. 8:10 PM Dec 2nd from web