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CcSteff

  1. Embarrassing that my niece is watching tapes of my old dance recitals. Adorable that she can pick me out of a lineup of awkward 8-yr-olds.
  2. Jim says I don't appreciate his self-restraint, so he makes it a point to tell me when he doesn't buy things. Computers, cameras, pepperoni.
  3. My hair: destroyer of drains, vacuums, relationships.
  4. In defense of Southern diners, they could chicken-fry dog shit and it would probably be awesome.
  5. I ordered a reuben at this Southern diner. Waitress looked confused and brought me a chicken-fried steak.
  6. Sorry, Jim, but you can't call it "walking" when you're wearing nothing but socks. What you're doing is prancing. And nauseating.
  7. Oh, just sitting in my cubicle, calculating my overtime pay, crying into my coffee. Like I do on a Friday night.
  8. Don't give me that look. That wedgie wasn't going to pick itself.
  9. "Traditional" is code for "what I mistakenly think my childhood was like."
  10. I AM @MEETINGGUY.
  11. Not an official project, but I've been finding all the low-hanging pipes in the plant. So I'll need to replace this hairnet with a helmet.
  12. The thing about traditional families is that they don't exist and never did.
  13. I'm making a list entitled People Who Don't Get Jokes. You'll be on there, but you won't know why.
  14. It's ridiculous that my project's been delayed because of a stupid typo. You guys would buy Rotibussin, right?
  15. Oh come on, guys. Everyone knows the Constitution is only relevant when it comes to owning guns and not wanting to help poor people.
  16. Avoiding my boss by hiding in the bathroom was a great idea until I accidentally went into the men's room. Again.
  17. I can tell I've finally gained my coworkers' acceptance because I'm now included on the distribution list for email forwards c. 1997.
  18. The louder you talk about your deeply personal problems, the less sincere I think you are.
  19. Your new street-smart straight-shooter persona is okay, but it's a little too similar to your last one: dickbag lacking self-awareness.
  20. Singing along to James Brown again. I've been informed by several confused coworkers that nobody named Maceo works here.