CcSteff
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Embarrassing that my niece is watching tapes of my old dance recitals. Adorable that she can pick me out of a lineup of awkward 8-yr-olds.
about 7 hours ago
from web
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Jim says I don't appreciate his self-restraint, so he makes it a point to tell me when he doesn't buy things. Computers, cameras, pepperoni.
about 20 hours ago
from web
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My hair: destroyer of drains, vacuums, relationships.
7:21 AM Nov 22nd
from web
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In defense of Southern diners, they could chicken-fry dog shit and it would probably be awesome.
12:51 PM Nov 21st
from web
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I ordered a reuben at this Southern diner. Waitress looked confused and brought me a chicken-fried steak.
9:40 AM Nov 21st
from Tweetie
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Sorry, Jim, but you can't call it "walking" when you're wearing nothing but socks. What you're doing is prancing. And nauseating.
7:06 AM Nov 21st
from web
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Oh, just sitting in my cubicle, calculating my overtime pay, crying into my coffee. Like I do on a Friday night.
6:06 PM Nov 20th
from Tweetie
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Don't give me that look. That wedgie wasn't going to pick itself.
7:43 AM Nov 20th
from Tweetie
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"Traditional" is code for "what I mistakenly think my childhood was like."
8:26 AM Nov 19th
from Tweetie
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I AM @.
1:17 PM Nov 18th
from Tweetie
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Not an official project, but I've been finding all the low-hanging pipes in the plant. So I'll need to replace this hairnet with a helmet.
9:09 AM Nov 18th
from Tweetie
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The thing about traditional families is that they don't exist and never did.
4:46 PM Nov 17th
from web
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I'm making a list entitled People Who Don't Get Jokes. You'll be on there, but you won't know why.
11:18 AM Nov 17th
from Tweetie
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It's ridiculous that my project's been delayed because of a stupid typo. You guys would buy Rotibussin, right?
4:42 AM Nov 16th
from Tweetie
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Oh come on, guys. Everyone knows the Constitution is only relevant when it comes to owning guns and not wanting to help poor people.
2:18 PM Nov 14th
from web
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Avoiding my boss by hiding in the bathroom was a great idea until I accidentally went into the men's room. Again.
11:55 AM Nov 13th
from Tweetie
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I can tell I've finally gained my coworkers' acceptance because I'm now included on the distribution list for email forwards c. 1997.
8:41 AM Nov 13th
from Tweetie
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The louder you talk about your deeply personal problems, the less sincere I think you are.
5:22 AM Nov 13th
from Tweetie
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Your new street-smart straight-shooter persona is okay, but it's a little too similar to your last one: dickbag lacking self-awareness.
9:09 AM Nov 12th
from Tweetie
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Singing along to James Brown again. I've been informed by several confused coworkers that nobody named Maceo works here.
11:29 AM Nov 11th
from Tweetie
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- Name Stephanie
- Location Richmond, VA
- Bio Hey, turtleface. Want a peanut? sprattacus [at] gmail
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