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CcSteff

  1. Sunday afternoon at Bed Bath and Beyond is a cesspool of cohabiting conflict.
  2. Which is funnier to observe in a park-like setting, hipsters or gangstas? TRICK QUESTION. The correct answer is goths.
  3. I miss the days when getting home at 11pm on a Friday meant a lame night at the bar. Now it means a shitty day at work.
  4. Working my fourth 12+ hour day in a row. On a positive note, I found some cookies in the trash can. I mean break room. Whatever.
  5. Defending Traditional Families is the new States' Rights.
  6. What my project manager does is not so much solutioneering as it is solutionerring.
  7. Is Inspector Genital an elected official or does the Maine governor just appoint someone?
  8. Opening 500 bottles of cough syrup at work today. Sneaking shots of the stuff to try to ease the pain of my blisters, existence.
  9. Jim is making me watch Judge Dredd. I'm leaving greasy fingerprints on his laptop screen in retaliation.
  10. At 19, hearing "I love you" made me melt. At 29, "You were right" makes me swoon.
  11. The best thing about being an adult is being able to say "Go fuck yourself" when someone tells you to do your chores.
  12. Baby, don't think of it as a gross wad of my hair clogging the goddamn drain again. Dress up as a stormtrooper and call it a shower wookiee.
  13. Oh, you celebrate Samhain? How authentic.
  14. He was the kind of man who claimed he only agreed to go to the strip club for the gritty, real-life insights into human psychology.
  15. You know what goes really well with this flirty, feminine skirt I wore to work? Steel-toed safety shoes and tube socks.
  16. Loving the list feature. Really excited to have another number that measures my self-worth.
  17. Jim was elected to our condo association board, which is slightly less embarrassing than being elected president of NAMBLA.
  18. Funny how people only cite karma when bad things happen to people they don't like.
  19. Telling me you are a Six Sigma Black Belt has the exact opposite effect you believe it has.
  20. I say "I got married" with all the enthusiasm of someone saying "I got herpes."