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  1. Buy Doors Direct Garage Doors Commercial Doors Roll Up Doors http://bit.ly/4OJUb9 http://www.BuyDoorsDirect.com
  2. HORSE WHISPERERS. Speak louder. This will enable the animals to hear you more clearly, thus speeding up training times.
  3. OLD PEOPLE. Prevent being beaten black and blue for paltry amounts of money by carrying large sums of cash with you at all times.
  4. MAKE YOUR own cherry tomatoes by watering beefsteak tomato plants with bonsai feed.
  5. BOILED EGGS cut in half vertically, and with the yolk removed, make ideal miniature porcelain-style urinals for hamsters and guinea pigs.
  6. IF IT'S true what they say, "Once you pop, you can't stop", why are Pringles tubes resealable?
  7. THEY SAY that Jennifer Lopez is sexy because she's got a big arse. Well if that's the case, my girlfriend is at least twice as sexy as her.
  8. Bad, bad ,bad avoid at all cost http://www.urbanspoon.com/x/9Uw
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  10. BRAZILIANS. Set your watches two hours fast. That way you might arrive wherever you are going on time for once.
  11. CONVICTS. Avoid unwanted shower room intimacy by choosing instead to take a bath.
  12. MEN Next time you are making love, cross your eyes and Hey Presto! That saucy threesome with identical twins that you've always dreamed of.
  13. Wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving!
  14. JINX THIEVES by fitting mirrored glass to your house and car. When a thief breaks a window, Hey Presto! - seven years bad luck.
  15. SPOOK OWNERS of cars with tinted windows. Upon seeing one driving past, wink conspiratorially and touch your nose.
  16. BREAD KNIVES can also be used to cut cheese.
  17. PARENTS. A small amount of cement added to your child's sandcastle will ensure that his/her hard work is not ruined when the tide comes in.
  18. FOOL WOMEN into thinking their opinions are valued by nodding occasionally and saying 'mmm'.
  19. BESTBUY telephone employees. Retain an air of mystery by never giving accurate information.
  20. MINIMISE the chance of stepping in canine pavement deposits when it's too dark to see by taking full length strides with every pace