BuffaloTofu
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Justin Timberlake hasn't released an album in six years. I guess he did receive my death threats, after all!
about 8 hours ago
via web
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Just ordered a drink at Starbucks with the word "cookie" in it, so hit me up if you need help making any important life decisions today.
about 17 hours ago
via Twitter for iPhone
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"I'm more country!" "No, I'm more country!" "I'M MORE COUNTRY THAN ALL Y'ALL!" - If Country music charts could talk
about 19 hours ago
via web
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Whenever someone catches me adjusting myself in public, I always have to fight the urge to yell, "Congratulations! You're today's winner!"
4:55 PM May 23rd
via Twitter for iPhone
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I got so excited that this salad bar had lima beans that I convinced myself I'm dying alone.
4:21 PM May 23rd
via Twitter for iPhone
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Wishing you all a Happy Passover and an Eggcellent Easter!
7:37 AM Apr 8th
via web
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What's your guys' favorite *NSYNC song about masturbating on a webcam? Mine was always "Digital Get Down."
1:16 PM May 23rd
via web
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.@ Hey, girl. Just wanted to offer my services as a songwriter. I know 57 words that rhyme with "anal." Get at me.
1:03 PM May 23rd
via web
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"You got it, dude!" - Michelle Tanner, oncologist
11:35 AM May 23rd
via web
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Gwyneth Paltrow lowers her underwear, squats down, and steadies the ice cube tray.
10:23 PM May 22nd
via Twitter for iPhone
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You're only as old as you feel. That means I'm coming up on the big second trimester!
4:23 PM May 22nd
via Twitter for iPhone
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"Ya know it could be like this, just like this, always," I say to my friends as we drink on the porch, unshaven, in a collective fart cloud.
12:48 PM May 21st
via Twitter for iPhone
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If tears were lube, see ya.
12:15 PM May 21st
via Twitter for iPhone
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Pedophiles have a more nuanced understanding of child rearing than Bristol Palin.
8:13 PM May 19th
via Twitter for iPhone
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.@ why didnt u pick rory gilmore for that internship u guys suck
5:25 PM May 19th
via Twitter for iPhone
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QUICK: Is it creepy to ask one of your straight friends if you can draw his hands? Asking for myself.
5:23 PM May 19th
via Twitter for iPhone
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Every professional soccer player is a member of NKOTB.
2:19 PM May 19th
via Twitter for iPhone
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This championship match between Bayern Munich and Chelsea is a real nail-biter! I think. I don't know. I'm watching Food Network.
1:24 PM May 19th
via Twitter for iPhone
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With John Travolta or in general? RT @: Have you ever had a gay experience?
1:09 PM May 19th
via Twitter for iPhone
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For those of you counting at home, it takes four beers to get me raise-my-right-arm-and-yell-"for-the-honor-of-Grayskull!" drunk.
7:02 PM May 18th
via Twitter for iPhone
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