Broslife
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Someday I'll own that thing in the sky. What do you call it? The sun? Yup, I'm going to own that someday.
11:38 PM May 23rd
via Twitter for iPhone
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When you wish upon Star... She says no touching and asks for a hundred dollars to go into the Champagne room.
6:10 PM May 21st
via Twitter for iPhone
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It's been a weird last few days. Like Lt. Harrigan-realizing-Predator-killed-the-Columbian-drug-dealers-before-he-coul type of weird.
10:43 AM May 17th
via Twitter for iPhone
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When Mr. Flanagan was "performing" his Pantless Pauper trick, he was banging my mom. I get it now. Stop tweeting me.
10:00 PM May 14th
via Twitter for iPhone
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Whoever is spreading the hashtag around must stop. It's all lies! Lies!
3:57 PM May 14th
via Twitter for iPhone
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Remembering when my magic mentor Mr. Flanagan needed whipped cream, a cherry, and mom to help him with his magic trick, The Cherry On Top.
7:54 AM May 14th
via web
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What was your favorite magic trick you ever saw performed live?
8:02 PM May 11th
via Twitter for iPhone
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Working on a few new magic tricks...The Slithering Snake, Bending the Lady in Half, Cyclops' Last Stand, the Motorboat Parade
11:10 PM May 9th
via TweetDeck
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Boobies! That is all.
10:42 PM May 7th
via Twitter for iPhone
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Nothing makes you feel better like meaningless sex. Or a very meaningful game of laser tag.
10:16 AM May 4th
via TweetDeck
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Has anyone else noticed in The Avengers how hot agent Maria Hill is?
4:46 PM May 2nd
via TweetDeck
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@ Remember Blitzgiving? This guy is his cousin.
5:41 PM Apr 27th
via TweetDeck
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If Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton settled their dispute with laser tag instead, they'd both still be alive today.
6:36 PM Apr 25th
via Twitter for iPhone
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Huh...I always thought 'Where the Wild Things Are' was porn. I learned something today.
2:25 PM Apr 23rd
via TweetDeck
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Is there such an occupation as a stripper magician? If so, how does one apply for said job?
12:03 AM Apr 20th
via TweetDeck
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Expolde with delight, I may. I can hardly keep my excitment at bay. I want to scream out, hey, it's halter top day!
4:57 PM Apr 18th
via TweetDeck
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If I bang a girl and that girl doesn't make a sound, did I actually bang that girl? Yes. Yes I did.
2:59 PM Apr 16th
via Twitter for iPhone
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Boobs are nature's balloons.
11:22 PM Apr 15th
via Twitter for iPhone
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If my girlfriend is a stripper, can I list her as a dependent on my taxes?
2:07 PM Apr 11th
via web
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Sometimes I wish I didn't live with this curse of being so awesome.
2:24 PM Apr 9th
via web
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- Name Barney Stinson
- Location The Fortress of Barnitude, NYC
- Bio The Official Twitter Page of Barney Stinson
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