BobbyD1313
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Checkout @ for up to 90% off on designer fragrances.
1:24 PM May 4th
via LoyaltyPlus
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Hearing yourself sing in the shower and wondering why the hell you haven't made an album yet.
11:58 AM Mar 23rd
via Twitter for iPhone
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Tired? There's a nap for that.
7:19 PM Mar 22nd
via Twitter for iPhone
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I sent out a text saying, "Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?" 10 people called me... I need smarter friends.
3:10 PM Mar 22nd
via Twitter for iPhone
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I'm going to change my name to "Benefits"
That way, whenever anyone adds me on Facebook, it will say "You are now friends with benefits."
1:57 PM Mar 22nd
via Twitter for iPhone
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You think you're all alone in this world, and nobody notices you?
Try not paying your bills.
12:52 PM Mar 22nd
via Twitter for iPhone
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America: the only place where the best rapper is white, best golfer is black,
and LeBron still has no championship rings.
10:53 AM Mar 22nd
via Twitter for iPhone
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I hate when I throw my phone onto my bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and kill a cat.
9:14 AM Mar 22nd
via Twitter for iPhone
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Some girl in the street yelled to me, "OMG! You're so hot! I want you!"
It's true... You can ask Brad Pitt, he was right behind me.
6:12 AM Mar 22nd
via Twitter for iPhone
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If I had invisibility powers, I'd go to Paris and beat up a mime. The amount of applause he'd get would be amazing!
6:51 PM Mar 21st
via Twitter for iPhone
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When you really wanna slap someone do it and say:
"Mosquito!!"
11:37 AM Mar 21st
via Twitter for iPhone
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They would solve alot of problems if they just gave the prison inmates liquid soap.
4:45 PM Mar 19th
via Twitter for iPhone
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Person 1: Did you just fall?
Person 2: no, I attacked the floor.
Person 1: backwards???
Person 2: I'm freaking TALENTED!!!!!!
3:31 PM Mar 19th
via Twitter for iPhone
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The way normal people flirt:
"You're so beautiful."
When I flirt:
"Your face, i like that shit."
3:26 PM Mar 19th
via Twitter for iPhone
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Chuck Norris gmail address:
Gmail@chucknorris.com
2:30 PM Mar 19th
via Twitter for iPhone
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Yawning is your body's way of saying, "20% battery remaining."
11:22 AM Mar 19th
via Twitter for iPhone
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If you get caught sleeping at work, just slowly raise your head and say, "In Jesus' name, amen."
8:01 PM Mar 18th
via Twitter for iPhone
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: $10,000 rims on $100 cars.
9:16 AM Mar 17th
via Twitter for iPhone
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I'm sick of all the Irish stereotypes.
As soon as I finish this drink, I'm punching someone.
Happy St. Patrick's Day!!
9:53 AM Mar 17th
via Twitter for iPhone
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My doctor was giving me a physical the other day.
It got awkward when I ran my fingers through his hair.
9:54 AM Mar 17th
via Twitter for iPhone
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