BlueAndyRooney
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Kurt Cobain?! Jesus Fucking Goddamn Christ, wait, there's my wife, Margie. This is beautiful. So long, assholes.
4:34 AM Nov 5th, 2011
via Mobile Web
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There couldn't be anything worse than having to eat hospital food while looking at bouquets of flowers. Don't fucking send me any.
6:16 AM Oct 26th, 2011
via web
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The most any writer can hope for is a reaction. I've tried for that here & it's been fun. I won't miss your shit-for-brains letters, though.
6:14 AM Oct 3rd, 2011
via web
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Thing I'm most proud of: I can walk away confident that I've never repeated myself. Also: Steve Croft has the biggest peter I've ever seen.
5:58 AM Sep 30th, 2011
via web
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I'm selling my desk. Comes with all the shit in it & a book of stamps. You carry the fucker out.
5:13 AM Sep 29th, 2011
via Mobile Web
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You fuckers may have heard that Sunday is it for me on 60 Minutes. Next Monday I'm done with this shit too, so pay goddamn attention.
7:46 AM Sep 28th, 2011
via Mobile Web
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I have a segment on this week's 60 Minutes, if for no other reason than to remind all the assholes out there that I'm still alive.
6:36 AM Sep 27th, 2011
via web
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Sometimes I bite down & there' s a grain of sand or dirt or some shit in my mouth. I have no idea how it got there. I'm not a dirty person.
6:15 AM Sep 26th, 2011
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Ted Williams was a racist and an asshole, but the fucker could hit - and he'd have hated this dumb "Moneyball" movie bullshit.
6:34 AM Sep 23rd, 2011
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The "millenial generation" has been told their whole coddled lives that they're special. I'm here to say no fucking way are they special.
6:42 AM Sep 22nd, 2011
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People who have had their teeth whitened so much they look like a fence pretty much scare the fuck out of me.
5:39 AM Sep 20th, 2011
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Athletes once had an image, like Joe Dimaggio-now I see guys all the time who could just as well be checking me into a goddamn campground.
6:09 AM Sep 19th, 2011
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It's not necessary for juice to come in boxes for kids to drink it. Hand the little fuckers a glass of apple and fuck the fruit punch.
5:46 AM Sep 16th, 2011
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Librarians don't "shhhhh" people anymore, and that's too bad because there are more loud assholes around than ever before.
6:46 AM Sep 15th, 2011
via Mobile Web
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I'm now willing to admit that we're stuck with polka dots. They're not fucking going anywhere.
6:46 AM Sep 13th, 2011
via web
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If I could raise my leg I'd kick over every fucker biking on the sidewalk. Get your ass in the fancy street lane we spent a fortune painting
5:24 AM Sep 12th, 2011
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9/11 changed everything for the people who lost loved ones, and that's fucking it. The rest are dirtbags pushing their own agenda.
6:15 AM Sep 7th, 2011
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I've been drinking milk made by hippies that isn't full of the shit they shoot up the cows with, and it's worth the extra buck.
6:18 AM Sep 2nd, 2011
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Like a lot of people I dream, but mine are all variations on the movie Sharkey's Machine. I wish I'd never seen that fucker on free HBO.
5:49 AM Aug 30th, 2011
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For the life of me I cannot understand how a club sandwich with turkey & bacon is so goddamn expensive. If it has ham too then ok but Jesus.
6:12 AM Aug 24th, 2011
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- Name Blue Andy Rooney
- Location Shitty office
- Bio And now, a few tart SATIRICAL characters with Blue Andy Rooney
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