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Me: Hey, would you mind dropping me off at the bar?
Wife: ...
Me: C'mon, you do a great job at "driving" me to drink!
Wife: ...
Me: ...about 11 hours agovia Twitter for iPhone
When people ask me, "Plz" because it's shorter than "Please", I tell them "No" because it`s shorter than "Yes".about 11 hours agovia Twitter for iPhone
Just found out my ex-girlfriend committed suicide by swallowing poison. Silly me, I believed her when she said she didn't swallow...about 13 hours agovia Twitter for iPhone
Dear girls who take a pic in slutty clothing & glasses & label the caption "nerddd lol" You're not a nerd, you're a whore who found glasses.about 13 hours agovia Twitter for iPhone