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BenjaminReeves

Everyone talks about life handing them lemons, but no one is freaked out that life has hands. about 14 hours ago via TweetDeck
Corn nuts are a decent snack, but a terrible birth defect #StreetComedy 12:01 PM May 23rd via TweetDeck
They should make candles that smell like BBQ 5:51 PM May 22nd via TweetDeck
Check it out. Adorable babies and Zelda: gameinformer.com/b/features/arc… 1:27 PM May 22nd via TweetDeck
@MeaganMarie you want them all to be winners? 11:43 AM May 22nd via TweetDeck in reply to MeaganMarie
It's polite to offer to help someone lift a heavy object, but this becomes awkward when they are standing at a urinal. 11:40 AM May 22nd via TweetDeck
Someday I want to jump out of a helicopter firing an automatic weapon in slow motion 9:12 AM May 22nd via TweetDeck
@BrandonMeland From all the cat hair? 9:11 AM May 22nd via TweetDeck in reply to BrandonMeland
Coming to the Dark Side isn't so bad if you're a night owl 8:01 PM May 21st via TweetDeck
There should be more robots in accounting. Robots have more personality. 4:21 PM May 21st via TweetDeck
@RogerMessner How do you stop? 1:27 PM May 21st via TweetDeck in reply to RogerMessner
Celine Dijon "Mustard that sings in your mouth." 1:16 PM May 21st via TweetDeck
Why does Taco Bell keep making food that bypasses your intestines? 11:23 AM May 21st via TweetDeck
I should start hiding things with my College memories. I can never find those 8:29 AM May 21st via TweetDeck
I feel like it takes me a long time to clean myself. Maybe I'll just start having cats do it 7:40 AM May 21st via TweetDeck
@JacobFucknAlter I was kind of hoping to find someone who was just interested in me for my body 2:45 PM May 20th via TweetDeck in reply to JacobFucknAlter
"It sucks! I really like this girl, but I'm stuck in the best friend-zone." -Diamonds #StreetComedy 2:39 PM May 20th via TweetDeck
@JacobFucknAlter I try to, I'm sure I'm unintentionally ripping someone off 1:21 PM May 20th via TweetDeck in reply to JacobFucknAlter
Is anybody else worried that fruit has learned to punch? 9:50 PM May 19th via TweetDeck
I hate to disagree with Adele, but it sounds dangerous to set fire to the rain 7:03 PM May 19th via TweetDeck