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It's wedding season again. The only time anyone's ever used the term "happy couple" in reference to me is when they're pointing at my chest.about 13 hours agovia web
Today I discovered Joey Starr hit a monkey on television.about 13 hours agovia web
The roof is on fire? Don't let the motherfucker burn. Get some water on that thing. It's a health & safety issue if nothing else.about 14 hours agovia web
Dressing for summer is hard when it was winter last week and you're a stone heavier than last year. My breasts are out of control.about 16 hours agovia Twitter for iPhone
People that sit on the outside seat of trains during rush hour: karma will get you and it's coming for your sex life.9:53 AM May 23rdvia Twitter for iPhone