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Bauart

  1. I did a cardiac stress test today. I rocked on the essay questions, but was a little weak on the multiple choice.
  2. In Texas you can't throw a rock without hitting a republican or a Baptist. But I keep trying.
  3. Without her TV Show, saying you've "been on Ophra", will suddenly have a whole new meaning.
  4. In "Paper, Rock, Scissors" I use the little known "Neutron Claw" as a last resort. It destroys everything in a 3 foot radius.
  5. Note to Twitter newbies: Twitter offers you the ability to "star" any tweet you dislike for promptly removal.
  6. When they cranked up the #LHC my living room furniture was replaced with exact duplicates. No, sorry, this isn't my living room.
  7. Go ahead "peel the onion" and explain exactly why you *must* have a 5pm meeting each Friday?
  8. (n) metrofuckotropolis: The land area within, and adjacent to, a large modern city. [I live in the DFW metrofuckotropolis.]
  9. Your frustration with your co-workers is understandable, I'm just saying the website and yard-signs were excessive.
  10. I would love to go dancing, but due to an "unfortunate mishap" my dancing liability insurance has skyrocketed. You understand.
  11. (n) rogue: A scoundrel, rascal or unprincipled, deceitful, and unreliable person.
  12. Listen, I'm just saying, "The Real House Wives of Mustang Ranch" would be the money!
  13. Billions upon billions of alternate universes and you choose this one to… Oh wait, sorry, wrong universe, my bad.
  14. You only behave that way due to a fear of losing control and being seen as less important… and because you are an a**hole.
  15. Yes I have a split personality, but it's only thru "Dwayne" the paste-eating retarded accountant that I can endure your meetings.
  16. Time travel may not be possible, but rescheduling meetings to appear on last month's calendar is why I studied programming.
  17. ||| This message is ribbed for your enjoyment. |||
  18. I'mPrettySureThisWillBeTheNextBigThingOnTwitter.TrustMe.
  19. 2012 hits theaters today. It will be fun to watch Hollywood describe the end of the world, I mean..., as apposed to the Baptist.
  20. If Lou Dobbs is leaving CNN does this mean I can't order any more of his "World Most Self-Righteous Anchor" coffee mugs?