Bagyants
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When people say "Drive safe!" I'm like no, a safe is for keeping money, I drive car.
about 22 hours ago
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"I really want to help, so I'm going to think some words." - people who say they will pray for you
2:12 PM May 23rd
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If you're not sure whether somebody is into you, they're not.
7:31 AM May 23rd
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So you typed "rando" because that last M was just a bridge too far, you horrible person?
8:39 AM May 22nd
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Good thing Noah's Ark didn't skip cats because then we wouldn't have an entire species dedicated to just chillin.
9:11 PM May 19th
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I read one of those "Pickup Artist" books and it didn't teach me how to draw on trucks at all.
4:52 PM May 17th
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Actually I'll go ahead and curse in front of children because I'm eleventy percent sure they know more bad words than me.
12:15 PM May 15th
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"I want to get married!" - everyone.
"I want to stay married!" - no one.
6:52 AM May 14th
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Don't call me in a muffled voice an say "We have your children." if you want my attention, say you have my Internet search history.
7:13 AM May 8th
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So this whole time the Amish were just hipsters?
1:54 PM May 5th
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If we use the original meaning of the word, gay marriage isn't illegal, just very rare.
6:25 PM Apr 29th
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"Yeah bro, I can dig it." - me, telling a sibling that I am capable of excavation
12:43 PM Apr 25th
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If I was a gangster owl my autobiography would be called "Drop It Like It's Hoot" shut up you don't know me
7:14 AM Apr 25th
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What you don't see when someone says "Let's touch base" is Base, in the corner, rocking back and forth and whispering "Please, not again."
5:23 PM Apr 24th
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The cleaning instructions for my apartment say "Nothing Abrasive" so I guess nobody I've ever dated can help.
3:58 PM Apr 23rd
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Parents, nobody is trying to give your kids drugs. They paid good money for that stuff.
9:13 AM Apr 21st
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"Rhyming is way easier if you use the same word at the end!" - Nicki Minaj
1:06 PM Apr 19th
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Remember how we solved violence in Africa with our Facebooks last month? That was neat.
5:51 PM Apr 18th
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"Santa Claus is fake, sex is a thing, and most people are assholes" - the adulthood talk my future kids can expect
5:44 PM Apr 17th
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Fasting (v.) - walking quickly. If I wrote the dictionary.
2:08 PM Apr 14th
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- Name Artur Bagyants
- Location Kansas
- Bio When gchat says 'You are invisible' I whisper 'I know' as a single tear rolls down my cheek.
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