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AuntMarvel

  1. The police report says "She cleared 14 hours of 'MonsterQuest' off the DVR to make room for a 'Real Housewives of New Jersey' marathon."
  2. The measurement of my circumference is directly related to π.
  3. Who's got two thumbs and just peeled and cut 10 pounds of potatoes? Oops, make that one thumb.
  4. @urbanhipster My son has a iPod Touch + cheap phone. He's quite happy with that setup. You always have the option up upgrading later, right?
  5. @urbanhipster Are you already with ATT?
  6. 15 yo daughter: "You let the baby do anything she wants!" Husband: "I didn't let her lick the floor just now." Me: "HIGH FIVE!"
  7. @xanchez I don't hate you! Want to come over and eat pie sometime this weekend?
  8. @sunshynegrll Pictures, PLEASE.
  9. @alanteck Too bad. I was making your favorite.
  10. Putting the p in the pecan pie.
  11. Thinking about how I need to edit my son's senior pictures by tomorrow, but they are on a disc in my car and hungry bears are out there.
  12. @ohforfivecents Don't joke! I could be in a van down by the river sometime soon!
  13. @matthewworkman SNL should hire me to be a token fat guy. I can bust up furniture with the best of them.
  14. Day 12 of unemployment: 75% less swearing, 50% fewer showers, 200% more ponytails, 100% no pants.
  15. @xanchez The kids will come to love his brutality.
  16. Christmas When Mom is Unemployed: asked the kids to think of holiday activities that are free/cheap. "Shank a hobo" was first on the list.
  17. @DizzySnap39 Not in a very long time.
  18. Home from church. Time to liquor up these kids and turn this into a real day of rest.
  19. Going to church. Took the time to shower and make breakfast for my kids. I hope this helps when I pray for the Redskins to beat the Cowboys.
  20. ...and that's what you get for tweeting while you drive...