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arjunbasu

  1. He blindfolds her and 12 hours later, she's in Shanghai. That's so sweet, she says. But I hate surprises. He hates girls who don't get irony about 2 hours ago from UberTwitter
  2. It was a low point in his life. So when he got in the cab, he just said, Drive me places. A year later, he and the cabbie had a sitcom deal. about 7 hours ago from UberTwitter
  3. They'd let the garden go and the neighbors saw it as proof of a troubled relationship. So a committee was struck. And then weapons purchased about 17 hours ago from UberTwitter
  4. They have nothing to talk about. The date's awkward, dull. Finally, he complains about his pants and she looks at them and says, No kidding. about 20 hours ago from Seesmic
  5. Once upon a time, an adult male poured ketchup all over his slice of pepperoni pizza and the Earth was swallowed up by a black hole, the end 11:20 AM Dec 16th from web
  6. There was lust in the room. But she screamed and then laughed and he pulled his pants back up. I screamed for the wrong reason, she admitted 9:59 AM Dec 16th from web
  7. The couple argue and argue and Joe plugs his ears and starts singing The Sound of Music and cops show up and Sheila punches Joe in the nuts. 8:57 AM Dec 16th from web
  8. He gave a lousy interview on TV and now there were reporters on his front lawn. Let's serve them hot dogs, he told his wife. The poison ones 8:18 AM Dec 16th from web
  9. So that's it is it? All I did was crap on the kitchen floor. Was that so bad? It was? Oh. Um, I had a lousy childhood. I can explain. Really 7:57 PM Dec 15th from UberTwitter
  10. He spots her across the bar and walks up to her and says, I'd amputate my legs for you. And she studies him and says, Then you'd be shorter. 12:41 PM Dec 15th from Seesmic
  11. RT @adventbooks: @arjunbasu recommends Raymond Carver: A Writer's Life by Carol Sklenicka http://bit.ly/5eu2hr 9:30 AM Dec 15th from Seesmic
  12. She eats a 24 oz porterhouse. And half a chicken. And a bowl of fries. And a banana cream pie. I'll never satisfy her, thinks her tiny date. 7:10 AM Dec 15th from Seesmic
  13. He watches them dance with horror. Watches them touch in inappropriate places. I offered her my cannoli, he says, shivering from the memory. 5:34 AM Dec 15th from web
  14. The men talk about sports and pizza and the women talk about the many shortcomings of their men. No one acknowledges their sadness, however. 6:11 PM Dec 14th from web
  15. They eat figs and buy expensive shoes and laugh about global warming. And then they go home and have unsatisfying sex and watch TV and sulk. 1:25 PM Dec 14th from web
  16. You guys rock. Yes I've been drinking. 1:04 PM Dec 14th from web
  17. And the feral cats ran roughshod and killed all the flowers. And it was beautiful. I used to be whelmed, he said. But today I'm overwhelmed. 8:31 AM Dec 14th from web
  18. He drank too much and threw up and then he wasn't drunk anymore and he slumped in a corner. I just want to be the best at something, he said 7:39 AM Dec 14th from Seesmic
  19. The sun came up and they watched it rise. Gratitude's overrated, he said. The sky went from orange to blue. Sometime's it's not, she replied 5:58 AM Dec 14th from web
  20. You people sure do wake early. Thanks so much for the b-day wishes. 4:28 AM Dec 14th from UberTwitter