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AlexisCJolly

  1. At some point every goateed fellow with a billowing t-shirt and super long shorts has an existential crisis &realizes he's wearing capris. 4:10 PM Apr 19th via web
  2. Taxes: paid. One-way ticket to the Ecuadorian jungle: at hand. 1:09 PM Apr 12th via web
  3. @COOLHAUS Reason #4: "When I put on this sweater after drinking, I feel sweaty. When I put it on after smoking, I feel like Gandalf." 12:44 PM Apr 9th via web in reply to COOLHAUS
  4. The school choir from Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in the Wall," 30 years later: "Would you like chips with that?" 12:40 PM Apr 9th via web
  5. If I were an overly cautious vandal, I'd probably stick to spray painting things like "H20" and "Elec" by sidewalk construction sites. 8:07 AM Feb 23rd via web
  6. Thx to @TOMS Shoes' philosophy of global awareness, I finally understand the horrors of Chinese foot binding (man, these things are tight). 12:52 PM Jan 18th via web
  7. When children are left unattended at the library, is it like at airports where you're supposed to take them to a safe zone and blow them up? 3:27 PM Nov 18th, 2011 via Twitter for iPhone
  8. Got myself a "total upper body workout bar" for the same price as a month at LA Fitness! Now I won't have to leave my apt to not work out. 1:39 PM Nov 17th, 2011 via web
  9. Congress declares pizza a vegetable. Ninja Turtles declare, "Suck it!" notionscapital.wordpress.com/2011/11/16/con… 8:25 AM Nov 16th, 2011 via web
  10. 364 days of homelessness, joblessness, & drug addiction. 1 day where everybody says "thanks!" on their Facebook status. #Happy Veterans Day 10:45 PM Nov 11th, 2011 via web
  11. I start the day by pretending my bar of soap is a microphone. And my plugged in blowdryer is a loofah. 12:28 PM Oct 25th, 2011 via web
  12. I wish every store was like @LindyGrundy. Run by kind, informed, and passionate folks. Who have giant hacksaws at hand, just in case. 9:23 AM Oct 19th, 2011 via web
  13. Guessing the rich brats are behind the Because of Camp ads. The lovable misfits across the lake could never afford that kind of campaign. 11:56 AM Oct 14th, 2011 via web
  14. @EvanRGolden Thanks. But I've got a tax-free Paul Simon fund all ready to go. 11:54 AM Oct 12th, 2011 via web in reply to EvanRGolden
  15. The problem with wearing distinctive shoes to work is that everyone knows it's you in the bathroom stall drowning babies. 8:46 AM Sep 28th, 2011 via web
  16. A French woman successfully sued her husband for lack of sex. As such, I am now filing suit against all women for the years 1998-2009. 10:18 AM Sep 16th, 2011 via web
  17. "These regular headlights are all right. I just wish they could cause way more accidents." - The inventor of halogen headlights. 11:06 AM Sep 13th, 2011 via web
  18. 10 days to raise final $1k for a short I wrote. kickstarter.com/projects/nickr… No promises, but I hear director @jessecoane has baby soft hands. #hjs 6:18 PM Sep 2nd, 2011 via web