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AlexisCJolly

  1. At some point every goateed fellow with a billowing t-shirt and super long shorts has an existential crisis &realizes he's wearing capris.
  2. Taxes: paid. One-way ticket to the Ecuadorian jungle: at hand.
  3. @COOLHAUS Reason #4: "When I put on this sweater after drinking, I feel sweaty. When I put it on after smoking, I feel like Gandalf."
  4. The school choir from Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in the Wall," 30 years later: "Would you like chips with that?"
  5. If I were an overly cautious vandal, I'd probably stick to spray painting things like "H20" and "Elec" by sidewalk construction sites.
  6. Thx to @TOMS Shoes' philosophy of global awareness, I finally understand the horrors of Chinese foot binding (man, these things are tight).
  7. When children are left unattended at the library, is it like at airports where you're supposed to take them to a safe zone and blow them up?
  8. Got myself a "total upper body workout bar" for the same price as a month at LA Fitness! Now I won't have to leave my apt to not work out.
  9. Congress declares pizza a vegetable. Ninja Turtles declare, "Suck it!" notionscapital.wordpress.com/2011/11/16/con…
  10. 364 days of homelessness, joblessness, & drug addiction. 1 day where everybody says "thanks!" on their Facebook status. #Happy Veterans Day
  11. I start the day by pretending my bar of soap is a microphone. And my plugged in blowdryer is a loofah.
  12. I wish every store was like @LindyGrundy. Run by kind, informed, and passionate folks. Who have giant hacksaws at hand, just in case.
  13. Guessing the rich brats are behind the Because of Camp ads. The lovable misfits across the lake could never afford that kind of campaign.
  14. @EvanRGolden Thanks. But I've got a tax-free Paul Simon fund all ready to go.
  15. The problem with wearing distinctive shoes to work is that everyone knows it's you in the bathroom stall drowning babies.
  16. A French woman successfully sued her husband for lack of sex. As such, I am now filing suit against all women for the years 1998-2009.
  17. "These regular headlights are all right. I just wish they could cause way more accidents." - The inventor of halogen headlights.
  18. 10 days to raise final $1k for a short I wrote. kickstarter.com/projects/nickr… No promises, but I hear director @jessecoane has baby soft hands. #hjs