AinsleyofAttack
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Photo: Well, I guess that’s the “& Beyond” part of Bed Bath & Beyond.
about 9 hours ago
from Tumblr
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I'm not sure if it's brilliant or moronic that a lingerie company is selling underpants that proclaim "Let It Snow!" across the ass.
about 9 hours ago
from Birdhouse
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When emptying a house, there's a fine line between things that are kept and things that are trash. And that line is made of stuffed animals.
about 20 hours ago
from Birdhouse
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There's the hottest melancholy waitress in this Cymbalta commercial. I'd like to convince her that depression hurts more than fisting.
1:56 PM Nov 21st
from Birdhouse
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Oprah and Brett Favre should start a comedy duo.
12:54 PM Nov 20th
from Birdhouse
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If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then my aunt will probably try to serve it with a sauce she saw on the Food Network.
12:35 PM Nov 19th
from Birdhouse
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Men shouldn't grow mustaches unless they can also grow tusks.
9:34 AM Nov 18th
from Birdhouse
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I meant it as a compliment when I told my boyfriend that, when naked, he resembles a unicorn doing a handstand.
3:01 PM Nov 16th
from Birdhouse
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I think that what Carrie Prejean really opposes is having an actual career.
10:11 AM Nov 15th
from Birdhouse
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My little cousin misunderstood a conservative talking point and cried at the pet store because he believes that children need two parrots.
8:57 AM Nov 15th
from Birdhouse
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Boyfriend's trying on boots. From the ankles down he's resembling a lumberjack, which means that from the waist down I'm resembling a nun.
12:27 PM Nov 14th
from Birdhouse
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When bro-ing out in front of basketball, I wish I didn't giggle and imagine a reach-around when they say, "Watch him work the perimeter!"
6:02 PM Nov 13th
from Birdhouse
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"Put a hyphen in it" is the new "we'll fix it in post."
8:20 AM Nov 13th
from Birdhouse
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CNN being "shocked" at the results of viewers' polls is like Strawberry Shortcake being shocked that little girls think she smells nice.
1:46 PM Nov 11th
from Birdhouse
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There are so many hipsters in this city, if you throw a rock you're bound to hit a guy wearing a bandana. Trust me. He fell off his bike.
3:11 PM Nov 10th
from Birdhouse
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Someone please help me convert ounces to US dollars. I'm looking to purchase this new Cure album, "Pwn'd Dove."
12:13 PM Nov 10th
from Birdhouse
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McDonalds has the "Mc." Apple has the "i." The signature prefix for teenage girl next to me is the "OMG," pronounced squeal-squeal-SQUEAL.
5:00 AM Nov 9th
from Birdhouse
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There is no way I can sing along to a Rush song without inadvertently convincing dogs two towns over that there is a burglar on the loose.
10:15 AM Nov 7th
from Birdhouse
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I will list blogging as a skill on my resume, right under chewing gum on the treadmill.
12:00 PM Nov 6th
from Birdhouse
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Jay-Z is performing at the World Series parade where A-Rod is wearing dark glasses and a fedora. I believe this is called a "power douche."
11:06 AM Nov 6th
from Birdhouse
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