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Just accidentally spurted hand sanitizer on my crotch. It looks REALLY unfortunate.about 13 hours agofrom UberTwitter
The seperation of church and state is VITAL to our continued FREEDOM OF RELIGION. Why can't some Christians understand that?about 18 hours agofrom UberTwitter
I admire a baby's ability to throw up so nonchalantly. Adults tend to be so dramatic about the whole business.1:20 PM Dec 8thfrom UberTwitter
I'm hungry. And my mood just dropped suddenly.5:10 PM Dec 7thfrom web
Wow! Watching this weeks Glee and they just made a blatant reference to my neighbor from Michigan who was in a @MMFlint movie.9:47 AM Dec 7thfrom UberTwitter
In honor of The Fantastic Mr. Fox, from this day forth, whenever I intend to swear I shall now instead use the word 'cuss.'9:21 AM Dec 6thfrom UberTwitter
It's nice to know that if a little kid poops on the floor at work, it's considered a bio hazard and I can't clean it up.12:06 PM Dec 4thfrom UberTwitter
