3hoss
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If there really is an alien civilization monitoring mankind, I don't think those tapes should be admissible in a court of law.
1:07 PM Nov 5th
from Birdhouse
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You'll always remember the first time you forget your wife's name.
6:56 PM Nov 4th
from Birdhouse
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I always feel really bad when kids find out that Santa Claus isn't real or that the Easter Bunny is a mean drunk.
4:59 PM Nov 4th
from Birdhouse
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If you're a chemist, and your first big lab experiment blows up, I bet it's really easy to just give up and start making meth.
12:42 PM Nov 4th
from Birdhouse
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I don't think kids should be allowed to have squirrels as pets because of how they stare at you and read your mind.
5:12 PM Nov 3rd
from Birdhouse
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One of my fondest memories as a child was when the entire family would pile into the station wagon and I could watch TV in peace.
12:11 PM Nov 3rd
from Birdhouse
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If you did a comedy show with a puppet, I think, after like 50 shows, you would trust the puppet enough to do most of the work.
1:04 PM Nov 2nd
from Birdhouse
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I bet one of the best things about living in ancient times was being able to push somebody off the edge of the world.
5:20 PM Nov 1st
from Birdhouse
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Being in love or being a ruthless dictator means never having to say "I'm sorry."
10:18 AM Nov 1st
from Birdhouse
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I bet the devil cheats at Connect Four, somehow.
6:29 PM Oct 30th
from Birdhouse
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If I could be any giant bird, I think I'd be a green people eater, which is like a purple people eater, but green. I'd still eat people.
11:17 AM Oct 30th
from Birdhouse
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Sometimes I look into the untroubled eyes of my child, and want to warn her about the real dangers of life, like shark attacks and aliens.
5:22 AM Oct 30th
from Birdhouse
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If you lose your license because of a DUI, I don't think you should be allowed to be the car in Monopoly ever again.
4:13 PM Oct 29th
from Birdhouse
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If you're giving a speech, start off with a funny anecdote. Then, for a memorable finale, try to burst into flames if you can.
11:18 AM Oct 29th
from Birdhouse
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One thing that I miss about being a kid was my curiosity, like wondering if my pet hamster could fly. I also miss my pet hamster.
5:23 AM Oct 29th
from Birdhouse
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I wish I understood nuclear fission better, because then I could probably heat up this Hot Pocket really fast.
4:33 PM Oct 28th
from Birdhouse
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I think a good mythical creature would be a half man - half overweight man, and maybe we could call that a Joe-Bob.
11:16 AM Oct 28th
from Birdhouse
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I don't think bears should be allowed to take college courses because I bet most of them don't even have high school diplomas.
6:00 AM Oct 28th
from Birdhouse
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They say I have an overactive imagination, and I don't argue with my talking Chia pets.
4:37 PM Oct 27th
from Birdhouse
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I think one of the best things about being a single-celled organism would be the nudity.
11:01 AM Oct 27th
from Birdhouse
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- Name Eric Hoss
- Location Parts Unknown, Michigan
- Web http://randomsequ...
- Bio No one approves of his beard.
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