3hoss
@crispycracka To paraphrase Bruce Leroy, the way of killing grasshoppers "will be revealed only to eyes unclouded by desire." Or, by cats.
| Admission of guilt: Facebook's birthday reminders make me appear far more thoughtful than I really am, or care to be. |
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| . . . So, with all those bullets, an uprising could be dangerous. Dangerously boring, but still. |
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| . . . I mean, I don't know about how the PowerPoint slides roll in your organization, but ours tend to come with a lot of bullets. |
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| When the entire marketing department leaves for an off site, I wonder if all the PowerPoint slide decks secretly plan an uprising. |
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| And, if we can borrow the fondue fork that @hotdogsladies uses to fend off douchey marketers, that would be just awesome. |
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| @ahtitan Good point; we should probably test for the existence of a frontal lobe (and neocortex) with a fondue fork, just to make sure. |
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| @blueeyedbanshee You're very welcome: I aim to delight or offend; diplomacy is for suckers. |
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| When people say "git 'er done," I kind of wish what they were getting done was a lobotomy. On themselves. With a rusty butter knife. |
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| I'm convinced that Pandora is trying to trick me into liking Christian rock; good thing I'm permanently wary of any music that lacks taint. |
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| Non-disabled people, when exiting the stall designated for the handicapped, always look like they're leaving the scene of a crime. |
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| My daughter is struggling in her decision over whether to say "Dadda" or "Mama." As my wife says, it's a classic first word problem. |
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| You shouldn't have to explain why you're following so many people on Twitter. Nobody's buying "I just don't want to miss anything". Stop it. |
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| Or: "Why, yes, I did wear Used (TM) jeans; but I bought them second-hand, to spur discussion about affectations of poverty by the affluent." |
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| Example: "Well, my high-top fade was mostly ironic, and could be seen as a commentary on the suburban fascination with urban culture." |
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| Another perk of studying literary criticism in college: the ability to favorably deconstruct your questionable fashion choices. |
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| A friend of mine makes a drink he calls the Jean-Paul Sartre. The recipe: combine, shake twice, sigh, and serve with a twist of despair. |
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| This proves that holding your Glock sideways when firing, although it looks cool, definitely decreases your accuracy. The more you know. |
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| I count at least 39 shots fired at Snoop Dogg in the beginning of 'Murder Was the Case'; even for gangster rap, that seems excessive. |
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| At times, Favrd devolves into a poorly executed Richard Pryor impersonation: lots of profanity without any talent. |
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