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3hoss

  1. If you were the king and your country was on the verge of civil war, I think a good idea would be to make it shirts versus skins.
  2. If you punch a mime and he doesn't cry or yell in any way, I think you should just punch him harder next time.
  3. If there's one thing that can really ruin a romantic night out, it's scabies.
  4. Call me crazy, but I think there should be some kind of law that prevents dogs from wearing lederhosen.
  5. With all the advances in modern science, it's amazing to think that the best way to kill a witch is still by setting them on fire.
  6. I don't know why people are so interested in these parallel universes, because geometry is really boring.
  7. There's nothing I hate more than superficial people and also people with giant bug eyes.
  8. Fish are really good listeners.
  9. I don't really understand Fermat's Last Theorem or women.
  10. If I could ask aliens from outer space one question, I'd probably ask them why they killed the dinosaurs and replaced them with chickens.
  11. I think I'd make a great psychologist because I'd really like to have a couch in my office for naps.
  12. I wonder how many forest fires could have been avoided if bears didn't use those trick candles on their birthday cakes.
  13. One day I'd like to speak the language of the animal kingdom because I bet you could learn some new swear words from the monkeys.
  14. I bet, after working at Old Navy for a while, you can make the mannequins call you Captain and salute you in front of customers.
  15. If I could be any cartoon character, I think I'd be Warren G. Harding.
  16. You should only have a kid for the right reasons, like not wanting to rake leaves or if your wife is really crying.
  17. One way to avoid ever getting handcuffed to a flag pole is to not have any hands.
  18. I won't be surprised when we discover that square dancing is one of the first signs of dementia.
  19. I bet people from colonial times would be really jealous of our abundance and variety of butter products.
  20. I'd like to get paid to sit around and do nothing, like that big Abe Lincoln statue.