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Some bird got her nipple pierced in the pub at the weekend... I'm shit at darts.1:30 PM May 19thvia HootSuite
There were a few party poopers at my party last night. I spiked their drinks with laxatives!12:00 PM May 18thvia HootSuite
Nothing beats Special K in the morning. Except my Dad. He never really came to terms with the fact that my brother Kevin, is a retard.2:30 PM May 17thvia HootSuite
Fuck holes in my cheese. It's just wasted space where more cheese could be11:45 AM May 15thvia HootSuite
Grandma, if you're looking down on me right now - close your eyes for a few minutes.2:00 PM May 13thvia HootSuite
I think my first girlfriend broke up with me because anytime she called me crying Id say, Whats the matter? You sound really fat.1:30 PM May 12thvia HootSuite
So no one else is even mildly concerned that a bee is nutting hunny on our cheerios?12:01 PM May 11thvia HootSuite