000___000
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I wish that Japanese astrophysicist guy on TV were my real dad instead of that British wheelchair astrophysicist guy. I wanna play catch. :(
about 4 hours ago
via web
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My Leviticus 18:22 tattoo is awesome! Wait, what do you mean Leviticus 19:28?
about 5 hours ago
via Twitter for Mac
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@ My cat likes your demo even though you are a dog and that means something in this mixed up world.
about 5 hours ago
via web
in reply to PIZZASHAMAN
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The secret to quitting marijuana is smoking so damn much of it that you become entirely unmotivated to smoke any more.
about 5 hours ago
via web
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@ Thanks Julie! It's based on my real life of spitting on people for common grammatical errors.
about 5 hours ago
via web
in reply to JulieFromCinci
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Good luck making friends if you don't even know how to use the subjunctive mood properly. Were I to meet you on the street, I'd spit on you.
about 5 hours ago
via web
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The "R-Mississippi" at the end of that last tweet was probably a redundant waste of precious tweet characters.
about 6 hours ago
via web
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"I didn't say all gay people should be killed! I said God said they should be killed & God's always right!" -Rep. Andy Gipson, R-Mississippi
about 6 hours ago
via web
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Dear @, My very important tweet () is not showing up in my TL. Why are you censoring uncomfortable truths?
about 6 hours ago
via web
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That's weird. My LMFAO tweet is obviously showing up for some of you but it is not in my TL. Cool website, twitter.
about 6 hours ago
via web
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Sorry for that last tweet. Had to be done.
about 6 hours ago
via web
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Now if you'll excuse me, I have a hot compress to apply.
about 7 hours ago
via web
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@ @ I wanna put your subtweet in my mouth until you explode retweet all over my face.
about 7 hours ago
via Twitter for Android
in reply to sad_tire
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@ @ I said straight dudes who were joking. Slennon is dead serious and also a cat.
about 7 hours ago
via web
in reply to sad_tire
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@ ha, yeah...there's plenty of it on twitter too though
about 7 hours ago
via web
in reply to _manes_
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Straight dudes who joke about doing gay stuff w/ other dudes is funny cause haha gay dudes do sex on each other & they're both dudes weird.
about 7 hours ago
via web
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People seem to love my cat impression right up to the point where I take a shit in their kid's sandbox. Gotta work on that part.
about 7 hours ago
via web
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If I were British I'd only ever say "what's all this then?"
about 7 hours ago
via Twitter for iPhone
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Sleep is how people practice being dead.
about 9 hours ago
via web
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BLIND ITEM: Someone went to DM with someone else & it got pretty real for a minute. Not naming names, but I think we all know who I mean. ;)
about 9 hours ago
via web
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